• SITE
• HOMES
• MOTORS
• CAREERS
• STUFF

Q: Do you believe in sending children to military school? Our young teenage daughter has twice snuck out of the house in the middle of the night. We are shocked and hurt by her lack of respect for us and house rules. My husband would have sent her to a military school and still threatens it. We opted for six weeks of grounding with all technology taken away.

A: Actually, I believe in sending all children to military school between the ages of 13 and 16; unfortunately, there aren’t enough to go around. All kidding aside, I think your husband overreacted. Military school is not a rational response to a child sneaking out to be with friends in the middle of the night. (Since you did not tell me she and her friends did anything illegal or immoral, I’m going to assume that the thrill of sneaking out was as far as it went.) I think this is more of a safety issue than a misbehavior issue, which is why kids should know that a disproportionate percentage of people who are out in the middle of the night are not the sort one wants to invite for dinner. If your peripatetic daughter left the house with delinquency in mind, Dad’s attitude would be more justifiable, but under the circumstances, he needs to take a deep breath and watch some Marx Brothers movies. Six weeks of grounding and no technology is sufficient to make the point; besides, it’s much cheaper than military school.

Flashing Cured at Three: The mom of a 3-year-old boy was, by her own admission, “horrified” at his habit of putting his hands in his pants. One day, at day care, he exposed himself to the rest of the class. (To which a great-grandmother would likely shrug and say, “Boys will be boys.”) Mom says his teacher started making him wash his hands when he violated himself, so the parents began doing the same at home. The problem is now 90 percent better. Good.

Having said that, I think this was much ado about nothing. A 3-year-old boy who sticks his hand down the front of his pants and gets a huge (i.e. horrified) adult reaction will almost surely begin to entertain himself in this fashion increasingly often. Ignored, the child will find other things to do with his hands in short order. Some over-thinking folks would recoil at the notion of making the child wash his hands, speculating the obvious psychological association, but speculation is all that is. My attitude is if having him wash his hands worked, so be it. Nonetheless, I would have simply ignored.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents'questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.