• Gabe Semenza •
• Originally published July 12, 2008 at 12:03 a.m., updated July 12, 2008 at 12:03 a.m.

Margie Newman, 78, lay on the medical bed her son moved into the living room.

She held a tissue to her mouth, closed her eyes tight and breathed oxygen fed to her through a tube. Her breaths were audible, congested.

She lay Thursday in a pink bed gown and covered by a burgundy and white blanket pulled to her stomach.

Doctors told Terry Newman, her disabled son, that she has a week to live. Now, the son must learn to cope with her death and the financial struggles he will soon face.

The Newmans are just one of 175 Victoria families receiving hospice care today, according to data shared by the three companies that provide such care here.

Hospices offer care to patients who suffer acute sicknesses or who are likely to die soon, as well as social and spiritual care to the family members who watch loved ones deteriorate.

The mother has congestive heart failure, and doctors say her kidneys and liver are failing, too. She suffered a stroke in 2001 and received a pacemaker last year.

“She’s a tough lady,” said Dr. David Le, her primary care physician. “Maybe she can pull off another miracle, but she’s in a tough position.”

Newman is accustomed to a tough life. One son drowned at age 10; another died in a car wreck in 1979. Her husband died in 1996.

Laying in bed, grasping at life, she denounced medical predictions. “The doctor didn’t tell me nothing,” she said quietly.

Her son, 43, has a degenerative disease that eats at his lower lumbar. He sat in a chair at the foot of his mother’s bed.

“Momma’s not one to complain,” he said. “She’s a strong woman, but it don’t look like she’s going to make it through this one, you know.”

The son faces his own struggles. He lives on $600 monthly disability checks. He lives with his mother.

The mother receives $1,800 monthly from her late husband’s pension, a check the son won’t get when she dies.

“I’ve never been married,” the son said. “I don’t use no foul language. I try to go to church, you know. I just don’t feel like I have much to offer anyone. I’d like to have a wife and children, but I’ve been concentrating on helping Momma, and before that, Daddy.”

Three hospice nurses walked into the home at 11 a.m. Thursday. The nurses care for and bathe the mother.

A social worker is available to the son when he needs to talk.

Doctors and nurses suggest that children who face a parent’s death begin discussions early – when the parent can express his or her wishes.

Questions to ask include:

Do you want to be cared for at home or in a nursing home?

Do you want to be resuscitated or left on life support?

Consider all possibilities. If this happens, then what do you want us to do?

“It’s not an easy conversation, but it cuts down on stress later,” said Mary De La Rosa, one of the nurses. “It helps to remove the guilt. This way, you know you’re doing what your loved one wants.”

Newman, the son, is uncertain what he will do next. His social worker is helping him to find government housing.

He doesn’t want to live with family, who he said is helping to pay the $6,875 funeral bill.

“I’d like to live to myself,” he said. “I’m not a very intelligent person, but I try to help people. It’s what I do, you know.”

The son purchased burial insurance for his mother earlier this year, but it hasn’t matured. He pays $186 each month.

His five brothers, sister and other family are helping him, too, he said.

Even so, he opened the Margie Newman Benefit Fund at Wells Fargo Bank. Family and others can donate to it, he said.

“I’m heavy, a big fellow, you know. Heavy set and everything. I haven’t gotten proper clothing for myself. I was trying to get blue jeans and a proper white shirt for Momma’s funeral, you know,” he said.

A photograph of his mother and late father hangs on a wall near the medical bed. She looks healthy and happy, robust.

On the wall opposite hangs a painting of the Last Supper.

“There are some hard things to handle, but God always provides a way,” the son said. “I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for us. It’s just one of those things. If anyone wants to help me or Momma, that’s fine, you know.”

Gabe Semenza is the Public Service Editor for the Advocate. Contact him at 361-580-6519 or gsemenza@vicad.com, or comment on this story at www.VictoriaAdvocate.com.

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