• Originally published July 26, 2008 at 1:09 a.m., updated July 26, 2008 at 1:09 a.m.

Do you have living relatives with family history information but are not willing to share or even talk about the past – the ones whose lips are sealed? Some relatives are not talkers, some are shy, and others feel what they have to say is of little or no importance. Others, however, may have a motive for concealing information and maintaining their silence. Perhaps they do not want to share family incidents such as criminal activity, illegitimate children, unsavory pasts, family disagreements or feuds, or some family slight. Others may be ashamed of their ethnic heritage, interracial, inter-ethnic, or inter-religious marriages and choose to remain silent.

In cases of sealed lips, genealogists or family historians then have the challenge to try to determine the underlying motive for maintaining silence. Here are some suggestions George Morgan offers for approaching reluctant witnesses:

1. Group Reminiscences: In advance, prime another family member to help you get the conversation started while sitting in an intimate, non-threatening family group environment.

2. Private Discussion: Talk with this person one-on-one and be prepared to maintain the privacy of the information. In fact, you may be asked for your sworn oath never to make the information public.

3. Story Time: Many older people open up to children and enjoy telling stories. Gather the children round and prompt them to ask questions such as, “Grandpa, tell us about when you were a little boy.”

4. Get the Story Straight: A little devious but it sometime works: from the information you know, or think you know, construct one or more scenarios of a less than pretty story, such as, “I get the impression from other family members that Great-Grandpa Jesse was a mean and unfriendly person.” You may be surprised at the response you will receive as the silent relative tries to set the story straight.

While some relatives are silent, thank heaven for the talkers like our Aunt Gladys. How we cherish the relatives who have many stories and love to share them.

Aunt Gladys was a wonderful letter writer. We always loved to open the mailbox and find a letter from Newton, Texas where she lived for many years after her family moved to Texas from Kentucky.

Aunt Gladys had all of us nieces believing our great-grandfather owned a large tobacco plantation in Kentucky and was surely a giant among men in the Grayson community not far from the Ohio River.

She told us stories of how they used to race horses in Ohio when she was a little girl and how they had a huge grandfather’s clock with sandbag weights made by one of the wealthier relatives. She remembered pulling the weights to keep the clock wound and running.

I later discovered that a branch of the Everman family in Philadelphia owed a clock shop and were well known for their precision time pieces. Perhaps this is where our ancestors’ grandfather clock came from and was the basis for the story.

Our mother knew Aunt Gladys had a vivid imagination, but never said we could not believe her. The smile on her face, however, told us perhaps not all those fancy tales were accurate. Nevertheless, they were exciting and I still like to read her letters, some of which I have saved for years and now cherish in my genealogy files.

Happy Researching

Mail query, along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a reply to: Relatively Speaking, c/o Victoria Advocate, P.O. Box 1518, Victoria, TX 77902. VCGS members will research queries requiring extensive study.

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