After the divorce, I went to Victoria College at age 50. Earned 3 associate degrees in 3 yrs while working 2 jobs. I got a great job that ended up taking me far away from home.
While going to college, I met several woman like myself who were struggling to make a new life after being abandoned. They were all ages and backgrounds. But we all had one thing in common, we wanted to survive on our own and did not want to depend on a male for any reason again.
Unless you have been there, I do not think anyone can really know what it is like. I never imagined I would be working and living how and where I am now, just 10 yrs ago. I made very careful choices, which is very hard when you are also dealing with a broken heart.
However, The decision to go to college was the second best choice. The best was to get a GREAT lawyer. I got 60% of the assets which included the house and land. There is no alimony in Texas. I used my financial assets to go to college along with VA benefits and scholarships.
I consider myself very lucky considering how many women end up in my situation. But it important to be smart in making choices, with the first one being making yourself employable no matter how hard or long it takes.

I did not have any family support, but do have a few dear friends who were are still with me.

It is true, you really see who your true friends are when you go though a divorce and willing to support you in those crazy times and they still love you anyway.

Did it also mention bad teeth & a pasty complection? Those are British women, for crying out loud!
I was skinny when I stayed at home. Lots of yard work & scrubbing floors kept me in shape. Back at work now, gained 15lbs in 8 months, no time to work out or eat decently.

STAT Medical News: Stay-at-Home Moms More Likely to Be Obese
Also, Many Americans Smoke and Are Overweight -- Putting Their Health at Risk
By JOANNA SCHAFFHAUSEN
May 15, 2006

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SHARE HOME IS WHERE THE FAT IS? Women who stay at home full time with the kids for many years may be more likely to become obese and report poor health, according to new research from the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health. Researchers base their findings on interviews with about 1,500 British women who were interviewed periodically from age 26 to age 54. They found that full-time homemakers who had never held a job were most likely to be obese (38 percent) compared with 23 percent of women who had been married, had kids and worked outside the home. Full-time homemakers were also two times as likely to report poor health. Researchers aren't sure why homemakers are more likely to become obese and report poor health, but they say it's not a matter of overweight people choosing not to work. Rather, the authors bof the study believe that it is the lifestyle of the homemaker that leads to an increased risk of obesity or poor health.

Texas is a community property state, everything is split 50/50 when the marriage is dissolved, unless it was bought previous to the marriage. My house is only in my husbands name, as he bought it before we were married, though I moved in the same day he did. We can change the title to add my name as well.
Alimony is a little harder to get though. One must meet certain criteria before alimony is given. You have to be married for a certain amount of time, have no formal education & have pretty much no ability to support yourself. It also doesn't last indefinately. I would strongly discourage someone from banking on alimony, in the state of Texas, to survive. You would be better to move to a more liberal alimony state.
Imagine obviously was tossed out with the rubbish by her childrens father, as she is obviously extremely bitter. It is always best to have a fall back plan just in case, regardless if you are a stay at home mom, working & can only afford day care mom, or successful career mom. Divorce is ugly no matter your circumstances.

I have been on both sides of this issue & each side has its good points & its bad points. There is only so much house you can clean but on the other hand, when I work there is not enough time left to clean house. It's a catch 22.

mimi312 and darlins64
Just to clear things up a little. I was making a point to the women (not all women) who think they will be better off if they get divorced. Some women (not all) think they will be winning the lottery by trying to take their exhusband to the cleaners.
My husband lost a lot in his divorce. The exwife got all the furniture and a vehicle. He had to start over from scratch. At that time she thought she was hot sh*t. Yes she maintained her previous lifestyle but the lifestyle from 10 years ago. She still has the same furniture from 10 years ago and lost that vehicle she won in the divorce do to her irresponsibility of not making the payments.
My husband and I have built a new and better life due to hard work. Why should she be entitled to any of that? By putting our NEWLY acquired assets in my name we are protecting ourselves from her greed. That is what the lawyer and CPA advised.  How are we being "jerks" by trying to protect what WE have worked for?
We are laughing now because she thought she had won so much but we are the ones in a new house twice the size as hers, have brand new furniture, and new vehicles. All our stuff is paid for and she can just get over it.
Many fathers get a bad wrap. Too many fathers that don't owe up to their responsibilities give the fathers that do a bad name. My husband has never missed a child support payment yet his exwife tries to use the children as a reason to cry for more money. We don't take any shame in protecting ourselves and our assets from her. She has had just as many opportunities to better herself as my husband has. It's all about having ambition.
darlins64. If you think I was taking your comment too seriously, keep in mind where I am coming from. This subject is very personal to my family. I don't wish divorce on ANYONE! 

Apples, yes! Amen! You can be a working mom AND be a good mom! No one should try to tell you any different! By the same token, just because a woman is fortunate enough to be able to stay at home full time, doesn't mean she gets to sit around watching soap operas and eating bon-bons, and yes, motherhood IS a "real" job!Republician, your husband must not have had a very good divorce attorney or a CPA -- once the judges' signature was on the decree, the ex-wife wouldn't have been able to claim any asset of your husbands. Sounds like he had something to hide if it's all in your name. Yes, it's legal, but the ex-wife can't go back and claim any of his earnings, savings, retirement plan, property once the final decree of divorce was entered. Unless of course said property was acquired with communal funds prior to the divorce being final.
"We are laughing all the way to the bank"  You both sound like real jerks!

I work full time AND I am a good wife and mother. It is possible to do both. Because my husband and I both chose a life and career in public service, we both have to work to make ends meet. Our child is well cared for by his grandmother on some days and a family friend on others. I do not appreciate the insinuation in this article that it is only stay at home moms that put their family first. My husband and child will always come before any job. I am up at 5 and in bed most nights between 11 and 12. Just because I work doesn't mean that laundry magically washes itself and elves cook dinner and clean up afterward. Fairies don't bathe babies or read bedtime stories and I don't have a leprechan to pay the bills. I would love to be with my child at all times but just because I am not, doesn't make me any less of a mother. God bless you for being stay at home moms but until you do my job (which involves dealing with about 150 13-14 year olds per day) plus yours, please try to be a little more understanding of what working moms go through everyday.

Republicanwoman, Where in my comment did I say I WANTED my husband out of the picture??? Or are you trying to read something that isn't there? Geeze! Lighten up and quit taking things so seriously here! My comment was in response to Imagine's comment about being "replaced" like a worn out appliance - Sure, it happens, but I don't think the root of the problem stems from being a stay-at-home-mom..... The whole point of my comment was: My husband is a smart man and knows a good woman when he sees her... and that woman is me! I know I mean more to him than just his baby's momma -- and he means more to me than just financial support. He's not looking to replace something that ain't broke! Nor am I. And I got him straight off the showroom floor! All the miles on him I put there. I didn't have to settle for a used model...
And FYI, my husband read the comment before I posted it --- I have no secrets from him.  He laughed about it.

darlins64

Be careful what you wish for. Does your husband know that you are so eager to have him out of the picture?

And what makes you think that he would be so bad off having to pay you alimony, child support, or both. He just might find himself another woman who isn't just younger but more successful than you.

My husband was married once before and has two beautiful children. YES, he pays his child support every month. But he also has MUCH more now (financially and in assets) than he ever did before. But guess what, it's all in MY name so his first wife can't touch any of it! That's perfectly legal. It's what the divorce attorney and CPA advised. We are laughing all the way to the bank.

Think about that before you are so quick to think that a divorce wouldn't matter to you. You may be able to maintain your "lifestyle" but he may acquire a much better one.

There are some great stay at home moms out there. It's hard work that truly goes without the credit it deserves.

SouthTexas: I definately think that you deserve a big hand for what you did. I had to join groups to find other stay at home moms, because there just are not that many anymore. The economy and Women's Lib Nazis have all but killed it.

I love that I am able to stay at home. Yes - I miss that i am not getting career experience. If I got a job at this point, with the limited schooling and experience I have, I would make just enough to pay daycare and get a pedicure. I mean - it isn't worth that to let me kids spend more time in daycare than with their parent.

Why should I work 40 + hours a week, AND try to manage my household while trying to squeeze in activities, me time, and quality kid time too? There are NOT enough hours in the day for them to get the kind of one on one they are getting now.

So, when they get into school, should I send them and not homeschool, then I will work. But until then, I wouldn't work a 40+ hour job on purpose and have my kids staying with other people for all of those hours... just so I can come home, feed them and put them to bed - do house work - have no time to sleep - and start all over again.

I feel for the women that have to do that, and I wish everyone could stay home with their kids for the first 4 years at least. It really makes a big difference.

My only other gripe?

Women telling me that my kids are missing out on something because they are spending time with their mom and not strangers at daycare.

I think that the world was a safer, quieter place 50 years or so ago, when it was the norm for mom's to stay home and raise their kids, and not leave it to random daycare workers. Suddenly, it wasn't the norm and now we must send our kids to daycare the minute we have them.

And look what messed up society we have become?

That is my opinion... and why I choose to be here with my kids. To each their own.

I've been on both sides of this coin -- I had a career outside the home and had to juggle that with the duties of being a mom and wife.... and even though I wasn't working (outside the home) the 12 hour shifts Southtexas is referring to, my day started at 5:00AM and never ended before 11:00PM. No, my kids didn't suffer for it, but I always felt like I was merely working to pay the daycare. And even though it is a 2 parent household, I was always the one elected to miss a day of work when one of the kids was sick.

Working moms, something to remember that helped me: It isn't how much time you spend with your kids, but the quality of the time you spend with them!!!

As a stay-at-home mom, yes, I love it! I'm able to do more with the kids AT school, and was a parent volunteer when they were in grade school. If they are sick, I'm not missing "work".

As to me being "replaced" by a "newer" model!!!! LOL! He knows that there aren't many women in this world who will put up with him and his crap! Especially when she finds out that she has to "share" his paycheck! (Texas now has alimony and is a community property state. So I'll get a good chunk every month.) He's welcome to leave me at anytime and my standard of living won't change in the least!

Don't get me wrong, stay at home moms have plenty to do....but let's give some credit to the moms who work 12 hour shifts and whose mornings also start at 4 am...who do all the things this woman does before 5:30am so they can be at work at 6:15 to work a 12 hour shift which is NEVER just 12 hours and was always AT LEAST 14....then home to make sure homework was done, clothes were ready for the next day and start all over again.

In spite of that my kids never missed out on anything. I have seen young moms say "My kid can't play little league....I have to work." I always told them that is what the car pool is for. I would beg, pay, drive double on my days off just so my kids could be in the activities they wanted to participate in.

I'm not saying anything against stay at home moms....it is wonderful if you can afford to do it. However there are those of us who not only enjoy the benefits of the extra money but relish our careers.

There was a time I felt guilty....but then as my kids grew up I realized they were more outgoing, more independent, more responsible because they had no choice about helping out....it was a MUST. When they got older, I asked them if they felt they missed anything because I worked. The answer was that they were proud of my work and bragged about the things I had accomplished, and that they spent a lot more time with me than some of their friends whose mothers didn't work.

Just a word for the Working Mom.....they are not all neglectful....and children do not suffer. There are stay at home moms who actually spend less time with their children than I did.

You've found me out, BigJ.

I am a rockstar and I just needed everyone to know it.

To the others: Being a stay at home mom is something that you love and want to do, but at the same time hate and don't want to do. No one will ever understand the dilemma, until they are in the position.

Imagine: That is the dark side of stay at home moms. We don't want to face it, because it is like admitting that we may fail our families and ourselves in the end. Nonetheless, it is something that is realistic and should be prepared for.

Just because you spend your life being supermom does not guarantee you will not be replaced when the kids have left. Many stay at home moms end up abandoned and replaced with women who did nothing for your lost family. Make sure you have an education and reserved funds and escape plan ready when you get abandoned when the kids leave and he leaves too. And YES it can happen you! You will be seen nothing more than a worn out household appliance no longer needed when the mom job is done. by both the ex and the kids.There is nothing more devastating to a dedicated wife and mom than to be throw away. Many woman are finding themselves in this end of life hell they never imagined they would be in. Education is the key to survival when he destroys your family you worked so hard for. When he tells you that he can pay someone to do what you have spent a life time doing, then you learn your real value as a wife and mother. worthless!

I remember those days. I actually went through work withdrawal. I enjoyed every single day with my boys, and yes, to stay mentally stimulated added volunteering to my activities. Babies are 24/7 and raising kids is one of the most challenging jobs out there. You are fortunate to have a husband who acknowledges your worth as more than a paycheck. You do, however, have a retirement built into your husbands social security and/or 401k. It is half yours after 10 years of marriage. Don't sell yourself short. Behind every great man is an equally great woman.

Thanks, Aprill, for this story. :)