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Modern forms of cannibalism still around

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  • Originally published May 21, 2009 at 7:06 p.m., updated May 21, 2009 at 7:06 p.m.

"I regard the poor man, in his present condition, as so much wasted raw material. Cut up and properly canned, he might be made useful to fatten the natives of the cannibal islands and to improve our export trade in that region."

-Mark Twain

Mr. Twain, of course, meant that as mere humor, and was not (I don't think) intentionally demeaning any portion (pardon the pun) of mankind in particular.

Still, something not so funny, on the subject of cannibalism, came out today in the news, and it confirms my suspicions about our origins and perhaps our future, too.

The Discovery Channel newswire, which I trust as being pretty believable, says that there is new evidence that an early European human, at some point between 28,000 and 30,000 years ago in France, may have made a meal of a Neanderthal child. Then, adding insult to obvious injury, the child's teeth were made into a necklace.

I can believe this story, first of all, because the cannibal was a Frenchman. Just kidding, all you French folks. By the way, did you know French schoolchildren are taught to say "I surrender" in 15 languages. OK, enough French jokes. I mean no harm.

But, to get back to the subject at hand. If you just look around you today, you can see many examples of "virtual cannibalism," as the computer folks would say.

Get behind the wheel of a car at 5 p.m. and steer onto a busy thoroughfare. Those maniacs will figuratively consume you to get ahead of you at the next light.

Wait at the front door of a department store which has advertised "early bird specials" and you're taking your life in your hands. Your teeth might not end up on a necklace, but they could be on the floor by the time the trampling over you has stopped.

Trying to take your time in a cafeteria food line? Watch out. That guy behind you might not eat you, but he just might stick his fork in you to move you along.

Are you heading for that last open parking spot near the front of H-E-B? Uh oh, here comes one of those huge pickups with the big, iron bumper on the front, and he'll eat you alive, so to speak, to get that spot.

So, if in fact we do descend from cannibals who wore human bones for adornment, as the evidence indicates, it explains a lot of our behavior today.

And, judging from the decline in civilization that we've witnessed over the past five or six decades alone, I'd say things haven't progressed that much from the caves of France, long, long ago.

Jim Bishop is a senior editor for the Advocate. Leave him a message at 361-574-1210 or jbishop@vicad.com or comment on this column at www.victoriaadvocate.com.


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