• BY APRILL BRANDON - ABRANDON@VICAD.COM
• Originally published November 3, 2009 at 5:36 p.m., updated November 3, 2009 at 11:45 p.m.

It's been a over a week now and I'm still trying to piece together how my world fell apart. So many questions still linger.

What led up to this?

Could I have stopped it?

Is it really all my fault or is there some way I can blame it on the rain? Or perhaps on the a-a-a-alcohol?

Over and over, I keep going back to where it all started. Back to that fateful Saturday on the beach...(insert wavy flashback lines here)...

The sun is setting. The water is a clear blue. My dirty, hippie fiance finally got a haircut. And I'm in a beautiful red dress I bought five years ago and can finally fit into thanks to three days of eating nothing but cardboard posing as "diet" food.

It's the perfect setting for our engagement photos.

Our instructions from the photographers, Laura and Randy Pollard of L-Ann Imaging, are simple:

"And can you tilt your head a little to the left? Your other left. No, your other...there you go."

"And, Aprill, stop sticking your tongue out at Ryan."

"And lift your right hand. Your other right. No, Aprill, the other one...yup, thank you."

"And...Aprill! Are you sleeping?"

"And turn your body a little to the right. Your other..."

"And turn your head. Little more. Little bit more. Little bit more. Just keep going until you hear a snap."

(Confession: I may have embellished that last one).

Needless to say, we were pros. When they said "dip her," Ryan said "how low?" When they said "kiss," we did so with gusto. Five minutes later, when they said "please stop kissing now," we did.

Eventually.

And even though the water was approximately the temperature of an igloo with the air conditioner set on high, we re-enacted that scene in "From Here To Eternity" with minimal crying and threats of lawsuits.

And it paid off. OK, well, it paid off thanks to the talents of Laura and Randy. While Ryan and I clumsily stumbled through each shot with the grace of a pair of rhinos, those two managed to capture the beautiful in-between moments when we weren't paying attention to the camera.

Unfortunately, they did too good of a job.

After the photos were posted on Facebook, word got around how great they turned out. Fast. It even reached New Zealand, where my family currently resides. And that's when my world turned...(ragged sob)...turned upside down.

My mom is now on Facebook.

Let me say that again, in case you didn't grasp the magnitude of that the first time.

My. Mom. Is. On. Facebook.

Yes, after figuring out that was the only way to see the photos, my mom promptly opened her own account. The same woman who can't remember to e-mail me more than once a year is now taking quizzes on a social networking site on which M&M color she is (green, in case you were wondering).

Now don't get me wrong. I love my mother. But my love for her exists outside the Interwebs. Now that that love has been thrust back at me in cyberspace, I'm all discombobulated. Right is blue. Wrong is up.

It's a collision of two worlds. How am I supposed to explain to my mother the "banana hammock" inside joke I have with my best friend and by the same token, explain to others why my mom keeps posting "Are you a bee?" on my page.

And I know I'm not the only one suffering from this. All over the country, young people's parents, and even grandparents, are discovering Facebook. It's a downright epidemic.

Of course, it has its good points. I mean, it's a great way to stay in touch with family members.

But it also brings to the surface our deepest, darkest fear.

What if, just what if, our parents end up being cooler than we are with more virtual friends?

Nooooooooooooooo!

Aprill Brandon is a reporter for the Advocate. Don't you dare accept a friend request from her mother, no matter how cool you think she is.

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