• BY APRILL BRANDON - ABRANDON@VICAD.COM
• Originally published November 17, 2009 at 5:30 p.m., updated November 18, 2009 at 9:40 a.m.

Each Thanksgiving, I like to do a column listing the things I'm thankful for. In my opinion, it's a nice way to get everyone in the holiday mood while at the same time giving them something positive to reflect on.

This, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it's wicked easier to write 800 words about random junk then it is to write 800 comprehensive words about, say, U.S. foreign policy in Iran or the Snuggie vs. the Slanket controversy. Nope, nothing to do with that at all.

At. All.

But I digress.

And so, without further ado, I present to you the things I am thankful for this year:

First and foremost, the brave male and female turkeys that gave up their lives this year so we can stuff ourselves silly and eat leftovers until February.

The fact that even though I'm an adult, I still giggle internally every time someone says "duty."

National Talk Like A Pirate Day (Sept. 19...look it up, people).

Ryan Reynolds' abs.

I am 97.4 percent sure I can convince my fiance to de-gut the turkey this year, even though he swears he'll never do it again.

It's once again that time of year when it's acceptable to drink eggnog at every meal. (What? Just me?)

Febreze (not only for its room-filling fresh scent, but also as a handy bug killer and canine training tool).

iCarly (Shut up. It's a good show).

For whatever reason, I am still employed, which has absolutely nothing to do with an elaborate kidnapping scheme involving an editor's child.

The genius who came up with the idea of turducken (a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey; or as I like to call it, meat heaven).

Toilet paper, because if you think about it (and imagine the alternative), it is the most important invention of all time.

If the world ends in 2012, I won't have to pay off my students loans.

This past full moon, I didn't turn into a werewolf.

Ryan Reynolds' abs.

Star Trek is back, baby (and the crew is better looking than ever).

At 28, I still get carded at bars and liquor stores.

There is always a "Saved By the Bell" rerun on somewhere in the world at any given time.

Neither one of my dogs has puked on the carpet in the past two weeks, a personal best for them both.

Really bad jokes (How are a chicken and a grape alike? They're both purple...except for the chicken).

I now have over 400 friends on Facebook, six of whom I actually know.

The hotdogs at the Cinemark concession stand.

Indulging in my guilty pleasure of reading gossip magazines (Brangelina on the outs again! Katie Holmes is actually a robot built by Scientologists!).

The Internet, without which we would all be much more...(*shudder*)...productive.

"The Simpsons" is still on the air.

"The Beautiful Life" is finally off the air.

Ryan Reynolds' abs.

Not being Lindsay Lohan.

My fat pants still fit.

Public celebrity feuds that end up making both parties look stupid (I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston).

Those over-the-knee red high heeled boots I'm getting for Christmas from my fiance (hint, HINT).

Ryan Reynolds' abs.

Aprill Brandon is a reporter for the Advocate. And don't worry, the fire department has already been put on standby that she is going to attempt to cook the Thanksgiving turkey.

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