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Smoke but don't inhale

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  • Originally published November 20, 2009 at 7 p.m., updated November 21, 2009 at 10:35 p.m.

Editor, the Advocate:

So cigarette smokers have increased instead of decreased - to the detriment of anti-smokers.

Go figure. Don't miss my last paragraph. My viewpoint on such news is that like some geniuses and or dumbbells among our citizens and leaderships, most don't get it.

There is good reason for such a turnabout. Many who quit, like I did for a year 60 years ago, don't want to get fat! Of course, it doesn't take Mensa to deduce that most of these may well develop lung problems.

A rebuttal is that major problems from obesity (nice sub for fat) can also cut short a life. So damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Now for the genius or dummy: If you were commanding a battalion, which of the following types would you want. (1) Eaters who require food five times a day and a toilet for as many times? (2) Smokers who require food only once a day and a toilet for No. 2 only once a week?

What? No such types 2? Guess again. One doctor in Germany reported a patient that went for No. 2 only once a month. Here's another exception.

Started smoking 65 years ago. Stopped for two years. Had gained 40 lbs. Like Al Bundy (of "Married With Children" fame). Required a "Furgeson" toilet five times a day. Had to be a better way to protect the lungs and also smoke a lot to inhibit hunger pangs.

Aha! Got an idea. Smoke, but don't inhale. Keep nicotine from the neck up. It worked.

Brain liked "nico" better than food. A few years pass. Appetite down to one meal a day, bowel movement only twice a week. By age 80, reduced weight steady at 40 pounds less for last 50 years. Needing a "Furgeson" only three times a month for No. 2. Now retired, same habit, no "smoking" ailments other than old injuries, which I handle with finesse. That is, "Light one up, and say hello to age 80, devoid of pain, hunger or loss of manual dexterity or walking (or running) problems." Only problem is the brain's proclivity for perfunctory reactions as a "plat du jour" towards the perceived geniuses who see smokers as dumbbells.

Well, this one is still alive, and as Eastwood would likely quote: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," aiming his missive at Washington "bigwig geniuses" who seem intent on wanting to control everyone from cradle to early grave, while throwing personal freedoms out the window.

Joseph De Solis, Palacios


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