• Aprill Brandon •
• Originally published October 6, 2009 at 6:12 p.m., updated October 7, 2009 at 2:20 a.m.

Sorry, kids, but it's official. Adults have taken over Halloween.

Oh, sure, you kiddies can still dress up like SpongeSteve CirclePants or whatever and go out and beg for candy. And heck, you may even score some candy (preferably minus the razor blades and anthrax). But we all know the truth. The real meaning of Halloween is a bunch of adults contemplating their costume for months and then heading out to parties, leaving you with a babysitter and a sheet with two eye holes.

In fact, I think it's safe to say most of us adults now spend more time and energy on coming up with our Halloween costume ideas than we do on our careers.

Beginning in August, you already start hearing the whispers of "So, what are you going to be for Halloween?" And as we all know, the answer to that question is of the utmost importance, less you be the dude at the party with the lame, last-minute, store-bought warlock costume (and forever shunned by your friends and family).

Coming up with a great costume is a particular problem for young women. Unless you make your own costume, it seems our only options are to go as a sexy kitten. Or a sexy nurse. Or a sexy UPS employee. Or a sexy President Nixon. Or a sexy (insert random noun here).

But never fear. I've compiled some unique, cheap and easy Halloween costume ideas just for you to ensure that this holiday, you are the big hit at the party and not running out and buying a two-sizes too small sexy referee costume at some ransacked store on Oct. 31.

And so...

1. Put on a surgical mask, carry around a stuffed pig and go as swine flu.

2. Dress as you normally do. When people ask you what you are, say you're a werewolf, but it's not a full moon tonight (alas, this one only works if there isn't a full moon, so make sure to look up before heading out or, boy, will you look stupid).

3. Grab a long black wig and carry around 14 dolls all night and go as OctoMom.

4. Why not goes as Congressman Joe Wilson? Put on a suit and tie and anytime you see a group of people talking, run up to them and shout "You lie!" all night long.

5. Sew some Barbie dolls onto a black outfit and go as a babe magnet.

6. For another twist on topical humor, go as Kanye West. Get some funky sunglasses, some Hennessey and walk around with an undeserved air of self-importance. Keep interrupting people with "I'mma let you finish..." (this is particularly effective if you are accompanied by a dumbfounded white chick all night).

7. Dress as Dwight Schrute from the TV show "The Office" and nod and shake your head all night. Ha! Get it? You're the Dwight Schrute Bobble Head.

8. For you couples, have one of you dress in a cap and gown, the other stick money all over their clothes and together you are a college graduate in debt.

9. Wrap yourself in aluminum foil and go as leftovers (added plus if you shape the foil around you into the shape of a swan).

10. Put on a cowboy hat, a T-shirt with the word "Heat" on it and carry around a spritz bottle filled with water. When people ask you what you are, spritz them with water and say "South Texas heat and humidity."

11. Dress in your normal clothes and carry around a sign that says "Nudist on Strike."

Happy (early) Halloween, everyone!

Aprill Brandon is a reporter for the Advocate. For this Halloween, she's carrying around a laptop, getting unreasonably mad during every conversation and going as an Advocate forum poster.

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