• Originally published March 10, 2010 at midnight, updated March 10, 2010 at 10:30 a.m.

• PORK TENDERLOIN WITH BLACKBERRY CHUTNEY 1 cup apple juice 1 bay leaf 2 Tbsp. brown sugar 1/4 tsp. of cinnamon 1/4 tsp. black pepper 1 tsp. kosher salt 2 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar 2 pork tenderloins, trimmed 8-10 slices thin cut bacon Blackberry chutney (see recipe below) Place pork tenderloin in a Ziploc bag. Combine apple juice, bay leaf, brown sugar, cinnamon, salt and pepper in a small pot. Heat until sugar is melted. Allow to cool. Pour this marinade over pork tenderloins and marinate for two hours. Turn bag several times to ensure marinade covers all tenderloin. Remove pork from marinade and pat dry. Starting at the end of the tenderloin, wrap the bacon around the tenderloin and secure with a toothpick. Prepare the grill* to medium and sear pork over direct heat. Turn every three minutes. Continue cooking until internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. Remove the pork from grill and rest the meat. Slice the pork into one inch slices and serve with chutney. *A black skillet can be substituted for a grill, just check temperature of the meat periodically. BLACKBERRY CHUTNEY 1 cup finely chopped shallots 1 cup medium chopped onions 1 Tbsp. butter 2 cups blackberries* 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup blackberry preserves 2 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar 1 Tbsp. cracked black pepper 2 Tbsp. minced ginger 1 cinnamon stick 1/2 tsp. Cajun seasoning In a two-quart saucepan cook shallots and onions in butter for about 5 minutes. Onions will be golden. Stir in remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 minutes until thickened. You can strain to remove seeds or serve. This chutney will keep for about 1 week in refrigerator. *Dewberries can be substituted or frozen blackberries. If using dewberries, you may need to adjust sugar.
  PORK TENDERLOIN WITH BLACKBERRY CHUTNEY -2010-03-10 00:00:00

Some days, I can handle with little difficulty.

Others seem to push me to my limit, causing me to feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do. Deadlines, target dates and an overflowing calendar can send me to the brink of despair.

I can feel my scalp start to tingle and a wrinkle forming on my forehead. My blood pressure goes up and my heart begins to beat faster and faster.

My adrenaline increases, my thoughts race and my mind won't turn off at night so I can sleep. I grit my teeth and hear a voice that whispers, oh so quietly, "It's your own fault, you said yes when you should have said no. Quit blaming everyone else, take responsibility . take charge."

Lately, I am hearing this voice and it is getting louder. Before you start worrying that I am borderline schizophrenic, let me clarify and say that I don't actually hear these voices out loud.

Anyway, last week someone called me to help them with a fundraising event and I heard the words "sure I can" come out of my mouth before I even knew what happened.

As women, we sometimes take on too much. Many of us have full-time jobs and several children. We try to give our best to every endeavor. We cook meals and fix lunches, run kids to lessons of all kinds, show up for sporting events and still try to pretend to our families and spouses that we are "keeping everything together," when all we really want to do is sit down on the couch with a large bowl of buttered popcorn and watch old episodes of "CSI" or our other favorite television shows.

For some women, struggling to feed the family and keep everyone clothed takes every ounce of energy they possess. They go to bed exhausted and wake up still feeling tired. Weekends are for catching up on laundry or doing housework.

But somehow in the midst of all this busyness we have to find what feeds our soul. We each have some God-given gift or talent and when we use it, we feel fulfilled and happy. The sharing of this gift with others is the secret to joy.

Recently, a friend asked me how I have enough energy to entertain friends after work. She was puzzled with my motivation for having a small dinner party on a weeknight and could not fathom why I would even want to cook.

I think she thought I was consuming some sort of energy drink or perhaps a new "super" vitamin.

The truth is, I enjoy cooking and feeding friends so I am energized by that activity. That is my talent. I find great joy in creating something delicious and putting flavors together that surprise people.

I lack talent in many other fields. I am terrible at shopping for clothes.

I lack the confidence to know what to buy or even what might look good. I gravitate to black or khaki pants and white shirts, just because it's easy and neutral. Too bad there isn't a type of school dress code for adults, so I wouldn't have to worry about it.

But take me to a large grocery store and watch me blossom. I can confidently fill up a shopping cart with just the right items to create a special meal.

Last weekend, I was in Houston with Hannah. We were looking for a place for her to live after she gets married. She and her fiancé, Ben, will be living there while going to grad school. Ben, Hannah, Ben's parents and I packed into Hannah's car and drove around the medical school looking for apartments and houses for rent.

I sat in the back seat with a map spread open trying to navigate. Ben's dad combed the classified ads, and Hannah and Patti (Ben's mom) wrote down numbers off of signs and made calls.

Taylor escaped this ordeal because he was attending a continuing education medical course.

There would not have been any room for him anyway and we had far too many opinions already.

We spent the entire day touring through apartment complexes and looking at rental property. Everyone in the car had the same agenda, but different priorities.

Ben wanted something spacious. The parents wanted something safe and affordable, in that order. Hannah wanted a cute apartment with a good kitchen. She is definitely my child.

I have to admit I was becoming overwhelmed at all the possibilities. I could not imagine how we would narrow our search.

My "shopping for apartment" personality is that of a hunter; find it, bag it and bring it home.

The young couple's technique is more of "let's look at all our choices and then decide."

I reasoned that the kids would be studying so much, they would not have much time for entertaining, so the size of the apartment should not matter too much.

After about five hours in the car, we dropped off Ben's parents, so they could drive to their next and more gratifying destination, that being where their grandchildren lived.

We continued the search, but none of the places had an above average kitchen. I asked Hannah if she thought she would have much free time to cook anyway.

"Mom, that makes me happy."

We drove toward home knowing that as long as she has a kitchen and friends around a table, she will have joy.

Taylor was going out to the country on Sunday afternoon. There are masses of blackberry vines that grow in the old cattle pens. With spring arriving soon, I asked him to report on the upcoming crop, because I needed some for a new recipe.

When he returned home he told me that the drought had almost wiped out the vines, but luckily, I found a stash of frozen berries in the freezer.

Myra Starkey lives in Victoria. Write her in care of the Advocate, P.O. Box 1518, Victoria, TX 77901, or e-mail myra@vicad.com.

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