Thursday, October 30, 2014




Advertise with us

FAQs about becoming a Death Eater

By APRILL BRANDON
Nov. 15, 2010 at 5:15 a.m.
Updated Nov. 17, 2010 at 5:17 a.m.


Thinking of becoming a Death Eater, but not sure if it's for you? Well, check out our Frequently Asked Questions about becoming a minion of the Dark Lord to find out if this might be the career path for you.

Q: Can anyone become a Death Eater?

A: If you're asking this, it's obvious you're a mudblood and now that we know that, expect a Death Eater at your door to dole out a painful death in 3...2...

Q: Do we get a choice where the Dark Mark goes?

A: Not anymore. We tried that for a while during the First Wizarding War, but there were too many female Death Eaters getting them on their lower back, which just ended up looking trashy.

Q: What kind of boss is Lord Voldemort?

A: Tough, but fair. Chances are good he'll kill you painfully if you displease him, but he also gives out hams as a Christmas bonus each year.

Q: Is there any sort of screening or application process I need to go through?

A: If you already have a family member that is a Death Eater or a vaguely sinister name riddled with harsh consonants, no. For the rest of you, there is an initiation process that includes reciting the Death Eater Mission Statement while under the Cruciatus Curse and stealing a pair of Professor McGonagall's panties.

Q: What's your retirement plan look like?

A: Death.

Q: Does being a Death Eater require any special skills?

A: Considering the massive globalization of the evil industry, being bilingual is a plus (in particular, Spanish, French and Parseltongue).

Q: What are your health care benefits?

A: Full medical, no dental. We are British, for Pete's sake.

SHARE

Comments


Powered By AdvocateDigitalMedia