It's the end of the world ...
By by j.r. firstname.lastname@example.org
Dec. 19, 2012 at 6:19 a.m.
Be prepared for 12-21-12
Unfathomable earthquakes, fire raining from the sky, oceans rising. Death. Destruction. Demise.
There are many ways we can kiss our butts goodbye on Friday, and if you haven't begun preparing now for our untimely departure, then, chances are, you're going to die. Better luck next time.
You just know there are people out there hoarding pounds of food, gallons of water and enough guns and ammo to fill a three-bedroom home.
After all, we aren't exactly sure what we can be facing, are we?
It could be a hoard of zombies. Maybe aliens. Or maybe even a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater. Yes, a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater.
No matter how ridiculous the predictions may be, (really, visit december212012.com for more on that) we can never be too sure here at the Advocate. Therefore, we are disheartened to announce this is our final Get Out.
But do not fear, we feel we've given you nothing but the best on your Crossroads arts, entertainment and social events.
We came together at our last meeting and decided we'd give you the best of the best when it comes to the Crossroads. These are things you HAVE to do before the world ends Friday. No, really - you must go out and do these things. If there was ever a time to not procrastinate, it's now.
So read with care, and do what you have to do to survive. Go out with a bang for crying out loud. Pull out your savings and splurge. Tell everyone you know what you really think about them. And, of course, be sure to follow our guide to your last day on Earth in the Crossroads.
P.S.: If the world doesn't end, then this won't be our last issue.
P.S.S.: Oh, and sorry for making you deplete your savings account.
P.S.S.S.: Also, don't blame us that you have no friends because Get Out told you to tell them what you really think about them - good or bad.
You're on your own.