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Revelations column: Resolutions not always quick

By BY JENNIFER PREYSS
Nov. 9, 2012 at 5:09 a.m.
Updated Nov. 10, 2012 at 5:10 a.m.

Jennifer Preyss

Don't you just hate arguments with friends?

They absolutely drive me crazy. No, really, they do.

Sometimes, they're legitimate, and other times, they're just not.

Forgiveness and apologies are owed from one or both parties.

But they're especially hard for me because I can't shut my mind off to them. If I have an argument with a friend or I even sense there's tension with someone I love, I feel the need to approach them (privately and immediately) and attempt to find resolution, preceded by at least an hour of thoughtful discussion about how we came to disagree.

It's that "don't let the sun go down on your anger" mentality, which in my world, means if I do go to bed angry or without resolution, I'm up all night fretting that apologies weren't made and resolutions weren't found.

That's when my mind turns to crazy, overworked mush.

I'm honestly not sure why I'm wired to resolve matters quickly with my loved ones. Perhaps I'm fearful they'll believe I've given up on them, or maybe I'm fearful they'll give up on me.

But I guess in my experience, I know the longer people harbor feelings of animosity, the more time they spend reflecting on past arguments and ways to justify their anger.

The more time goes by, the less likely it is that the real issues are ever addressed; the real problems never solved.

I hate to admit it, but right now, I'm experiencing a situation with a friend where I can't get any resolution. Our tiff was a big deal in the beginning, but then it wasn't, and now it is again. And to be honest, the entire argument has no beginning or end. It just is - without explanation.

But because of the lack of resolution, I can't get to a place where we can have the healthy "let's fix this" conversation.

And for the past week or so, I've encountered many sleepless nights and thoughtful moments considering whether I need to let the friendship go altogether.

But then yesterday, something occurred to me.

Every day this argument has continued, I've prayed for God to heal it. I've prayed for myself and for my friend and spent time asking God how he thinks I should fix it.

It occurred to me that maybe this is a time that he wants more of my attention and more of my questions.

Because when I'm worried and concerned, I turn first to prayer.

When I'm hurt and confused, I turn first to prayer. And when I'm praying for others and the healing and protection of friendships, I always end up spending more time asking God what he wants from me and asking him to reveal things in me that need to be corrected.

Sure, I admit, it's much easier to have a fight with a friend and work it out as quickly as possible. But maybe right now, I'll be thankful for not getting the resolution I want and wait for God to give me the resolution I need.

Jennifer Preyss is a reporter for the Victoria Advocate. You can reach her at 361-580-6535 or jlpreyss@vicad.com or on Twitter @jenniferpreyss.

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