Life happens: This book is dedicated to all of you
By By Aprill Brandon
June 6, 2013 at 1:06 a.m.
Hey, you know how when you have really, really good news, and you want to tell everyone you know about it - for that matter, everyone you don't know?
In fact, you want to practically shout it in their faces because you're so excited because it's just the best news ever, a dream come true?
But then you're not quite sure how to do that without looking like you're a bragging, stuck-up snob, so instead you just sort of downplay the whole thing?
So I published a book.
(Did it work? Did I hit that sweet spot between proud yet nonchalant?)
Don't get me wrong. I'm extremely happy about this accomplishment. Giddy even. It was No. 1 on my bucket list: become an author.
And after 10 years working as a humor columnist, where I documented my transition to adulthood, I finally had enough material to write a tongue-in-cheek guide to growing up - from post-college to turning 30.
To be honest, it's one of the greatest things I've ever done. But don't take my word for it. The early reviews speak for themselves:
"This is the greatest book ever written ever. I'm so proud of you, honey! Also, are you eating enough? You look skinny in your author photo." - Aprill's mom
"Holy crap, you wrote a book? I thought you were just playing Candy Crush on the computer." - Aprill's husband
"Who is this? I told you to stop calling here." - Whoever answers the phone at The New York Times Book Review
"...*fart*..." - Aprill's dog
It wasn't easy. As they say, dreams come true, not free. So, the past several months were spent sitting at my desk, alternating between thinking "this is the funniest, most brilliant thing I've ever done" to (much more often) thinking "I shouldn't even be allowed to speak English, let alone write it!" followed by laying on the floor moaning.
This writing process was followed by the editing process, where Editor Aprill learned she passionately hates Writer Aprill and her constant freaking misplaced modifiers.
And then all that was followed by the eBook publishing process, of which I don't remember much because by that point I was chugging wine straight from the box.
But it's done. And all that hard work was worth it. My book, "Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)" is now out there in the world.
Specifically, out there at Smashwords.com, an indie author website where it is available to download on all Apple and Kindle products and pretty much any other electronic device you have and Amazon.com for only $2.99.
(Did I hit that sweet spot between giving you information and blatantly marketing my book to you?)
The only thing missing from it is a dedication page, which was not included because I completely forgot about it. So, if I may, I'd like to add that part here.
To all the indie authors and writers with stacks of rejection letters in their desks who slave away writing day and night because they know no other way than to write, this book is dedicated to you.
To all the local musicians, wherever you're from, who practice and tour and play tiny, tiny bars only to get paid in beer year after year because they know no other way than to play music, this book is dedicated to you.
To the artists, who work day jobs and then come home and stay up half the night working on their masterpieces because they know no other way than to create, this book is dedicated to you.
To anyone who has ever had a dream because they know no other way than to dream, this book is dedicated to you.
So go buy it.
(Did I hit that sweet spot between genuine and yet desperate for money?)
Aprill Brandon is a columnist for the Advocate. Her column runs every two weeks in the Your Life section. Comment on this story at VictoriaAdvocate.com.