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Jennifer Worick wants to punch her waiter in the face (audio)

By Carolina Astrain
Sept. 30, 2013 at 4:30 a.m.
Updated Oct. 1, 2013 at 5:01 a.m.


Essay Contest

We asked our readers to submit an entry of 50 words or less about things they'd like to punch in the face.

• Here's the winning entry from Anne Kouba, 67, of Victoria:

Father Time

Remember the old Rolling Stone song, "Time Is On My Side?" Well, it's not for this chick, who'll be kissing 70 soon! I want to punch Father Time in the face! I've got family to relish, books to read, things to learn, places to go! Tick-tock, tick-tock... KA-BOOM!

•  And here's an excerpt from an entry that stood out to Lyceum essay contest judges from runner-up Lillie Sifuentes, 30, of Victoria.

My Husband (Occasionally)

Now, don't get me wrong, I love this man - obviously, because I married him. I only want to punch him in the face when he doesn't flush the toilet or puts the bread upside down or leaves his stinky shoes inside or well ... I just don't have time, but you get the picture.

AN EXCERPT

Here's an entry we pulled from Jennifer Worick's blog, "Things I Want to Punch in the Face:"

White Zinfandel

How can I swallow such a blatant lie?

I'm not nearly drunk enough to think that the misnomer that is this silly pink wine is white.

Color blindness, however, is the least of its problems.

White Zinfandel is wine with training wheels, a transitional beverage in the no-man's land - seriously, no man would drink this - between a wine spritzer and a crappy bottle of wine with off-the-chart sugar levels.

The French manicure of wines, this varietal is sipped by real housewives who insist they are "classy" while tipping tables and pulling each others' weaves.

Tickled pink I am not.

Source: "Things I Want to Punch in the Face" by Jennifer Worick

IF YOU GO

• WHAT: Jennifer Worick: blogger, author of "Things I Want to Punch in the Face" and "The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex."

• WHEN: Noon Thursday

• WHERE: Victoria College Student Center, 2200 E. Red River St.

• COST: Free

Lyceum lineup

Nicholas Wade - Nov. 12

New York Times science reporter, author of "Before the Dawn."

Wes Moore - Feb. 13

Author of "The Other Wes Moore," host of the Oprah Winfrey Network's "Beyond Belief."

Missy Cummings - April 17

One of the Navy's first female fighter pilots, MIT expert of drone technology.

It was a time that now feels like a million years ago for author Jennifer Worick.

Her serious, long-term boyfriend broke up with her, a book she was working on fell casualty to the Great Recession two days before she underwent surgery, and then her cat, Mac Daddy, died.

The year was 2009.

"I was angry all the time," Worick, 45, said. "I would cut into an avocado, which you can never tell which is going to be bad or not, and I would have a disproportionate reaction and throw it against the wall."

Worick found herself wanting to punch everything that irritated her "in the face."

From waiters who would top off her coffee without her permission after reaching the right temperature to PT Cruisers and designer luggage - Worick was on the warpath.

"I felt like I was a walking exposed nerve," Worick said.

From there, the irritated Seattle resident began a blog, "Things I Want to Punch in the Face," which later Worick was able to amass into a book of the same title.

"I found a community pretty fast online that was on board with the idea and was really supportive and checked in every day," Worick said. "I haven't blogged in a while because I've been working on other projects, but I have my list of things I want to get back to punching."

Worick, the author of more than 25 books and one of the four funniest bloggers in America according to Reader's Digest, will be at the Victoria College Student Center as part of the Lyceum lecture series at noon Thursday.

During her lecture, Worick will illuminate students with dating and sex advice from her books "The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex" and "The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College."

"As a committee, we felt that her offbeat humor and publications such as 'Things I Want to Punch in the Face' would appeal to our student population," Elaine Everett-Hensley, Victoria College student activities director and Lyceum lecture series committee member, wrote in a news release. "I think our students would enjoy her outlook on life."

Many of the experiences and examples Worick uses in her books are not instances from her own life, the author said.

"Luckily, I never dated an axe murderer," Worick said. "But there's a lot of college stuff in there I wish I had known at the time, like how to deal with difficult roommates."

During her research, Worick drew advice from CIA agent Tony Mendez, who inspired the Oscar-winning film 'Argo' and was portrayed by actor Ben Affleck, on how to escape a bad date.

"He gave me lots of good tips," Worick said. "You can send your date on a fool's errand, like you can fake an allergy attack or something and send him off for medication."

Originally from southwestern Michigan, Worick now lives in Seattle with her new cat, Frida.

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