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Regrets and gratitude
By juliezavala in My Turn
November 24, 2010

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I was trying to remember last Thanksgiving. I remember that I wasn't home in Victoria with my husband. I must have been in Jasper, Texas with my Mom and Dad but I swear I can't remember. My husband Robert, my son Bob and my daughter-in-law Adriana, went to Golden Corral for their meal since I wasn't home to cook. So strange. I guess with Mom being so sick at the time, all my thoughts were on her.

But I didn't spend Christmas with Mom or Dad last year. I'll always regret that. At the time she and Dad were living with my sister Jeannie in Humble, Texas. Jeannie was driving Mom back and forth for her many doctors appointments in Houston. I do remember that I talked to Mom on the phone and told her I wouldn't be there. My husband's family was coming over to spend the holiday with us. I told Mom that Robert's Uncle Raymond was all alone and we were going to have him join us. She sounded okay about my plans at the time but now I wonder what she thought. I put myself in her place and I think, how would I feel if I were sick and dying and my daughter Janine told me she couldn't spend, what might be my last Christmas on this earth, with me? I don't like to think about the answer.

The only reason I can think of for not being with her is that I didn't want to believe it was her last Christmas. I couldn't accept it. Maybe if I didn't spend Christmas with her this year, surely I would have another chance next year.

So here we are at Thanksgiving again. The holidays. This year my Dad, Robert and I will go to Golden Corral for our meal. I couldn't see cooking a meal for just the three of us. I'm not much of a cook, anyway. Our four children are all living too far away from us to come home.

As I type this, Robert and Dad are sitting on the couch watching "The Longest Yard". Dad's enjoying the movie - it's a real "guy" kind of movie. And I'm thankful each time he laughs. I'm grateful that he's here with us and I can give him all the love and attention he deserves. I miss my Mom but I'm glad her suffering is over. And I'm certain I will remember this Thanksgiving for the rest of my life.