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The many faces of Dad
By juliezavala in My Turn
October 29, 2010

Image When I help my Dad to bed each night, I kiss him goodnight, turn the light off and I remind him that we will have "fresh, hot coffee in the morning." As I close his door I say a prayer (for him and me) that he will sleep all the way through the night. Or maybe I pray that he will only get up to go to the bathroom and then go right back to bed. It's always a surprise in how it's going to go. There's no set pattern to his sleeping habits.

And Dad has different personalities at different times of the day:

Dad #1, A couple of nights ago he was just awful. He got dressed for work and he was walking up and down the hall, trying doors and looking for a way out of the house. The motion detector was going off everytime he walked past it. I finally got up and I asked him what he was doing walking around at 3 am? Of course he said he had to go to work. I went to the kitchen and fixed him some breakfast, brought it to him and then I crawled back into bed. Thirty minutes later he was on the prowl again. I should have just let him walk around because there's no stopping him when he's like that. Instead, I kept hopping out of bed, trying to convince him he didn't have to work and it was too early to be up. I hardly got any sleep. Thankfully my husband, Robert, let me sleep late while he watched my Dad. This version of Dad is the confused, have-to-go-to-work Dad.

Dad #2 Then there's the laid-back Dad, sitting on the patio, looking at the sky and commenting on the trees. He's just relaxed; joking and teasing with a twinkle in his eye. This Dad is pretty good. He likes to talk about how nice the day is. He even sweeps the patio for me. All he needs is company and music so you have to be prepared to sit for a while. And listen to Mantovoni songs over and over and over....

Dad #3 My favorite version of Dad is the one who shows up at 5 - 6 pm. He's full of energy and adventure and we laugh at the silliest things. This Dad loves to go to the park, eat ice cream and hamburgers and watch the sunset. He's a great friend. He loves the hunt for the elusive train and is sorely disappointed when he doesn't see at least one per day. We actually saw two trains in a row on Wednesday. That was a good day for Dad.

Dad #4 Then there's the confused, speaking near-nonsense Dad who shows up at 8 pm. He has a lost look in his eyes and he can't seem focus on what he wants to say. I just agree with him and then try to steer him to the bathroom to take a nice warm shower. That kind of winds him down and gets him ready for bed. I've started giving him his Alzheimer's medicine in the evening since it tends to make him sleepy. His hospice nurse recommended giving him some Tylenol PM. I bought some at Walgreens and last night I gave him one and I took two. Dad is so sensitive to medicines I was afraid to give him more than one. It didn't work for him and it didn't work for me.

I read a blog the other day, written by a man who's mother has Alzheimer's. He said, "Mom can't laugh anymore. All she can do is smile and that upsets me so much." My heart just sank. Is that what's going to happen to my Dad? This funny, sweet man who laughs so delightfully at the goofiest things? My friend?

I feel like I have to do more with him, to make sure that his life is full and happy to the very end. And I have to record these days with him in this blog and in the photos I try to take every day. I love this crazy little man; all versions of him.