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Doctor's opinion
By juliezavala in My Turn
March 1, 2011

Daddy's hospice doctor explained to me this morning that Dad's shortness of breath is being caused by excess carbon dioxide in his lungs. This is happenning because his kidneys are no longer efficiently removing the toxins from his blood. His body is hyperventilating to rid itself of some of the carbon dioxide (Dr. Meyers if you read this please correct me if I got it wrong).

As I type this, Daddy is kicked back in his recliner (formerly known as my recliner- forever more to be known as daddy's chair) Robert downloaded a bunch of Floyd Kramer songs last night and Dad is enjoying the heck out of them. It took a little coaxing to get him into the living room. The shallow, rapid breathing leaves him tired and listless.

Laura, his companion from Senior Helpers, said a nurse from hospice came by today and told Dad she needed a urine sample. Dad was irritated; he had just gone to the bathroom a few minutes before she got there and he declared he didn't have any to give! The nurse said she wasn't leaving until she got the urine sample. It was a stand-off; the nurse won. Laura said Dad was mad the rest of the afternoon. By the time I got home he had forgotten about it and he was his usual sweet self.

As far as our trip to California goes, we've cancelled our flight and we will be having a "staycation" at home. That's alright, it gives me a chance to spend some quality time with Dad at home.

Friday, 11:04 pm Dad woke up and came into the living room where Robert and I were watching t.v. He was having trouble catching his breath so I helped him back into bed and put his oxygen on him. I'm sitting in the recliner in his room, keeping an eye on him. I.m afraid he will be confused by the tubing around his head and he might pull it off.

Last year in March I was caring for my Mom. She had terminal cancer and she died on March 25th. I dread going through this again. I know I have the strength to stick with Dad and help him until the end; I just don't want him to go. Not yet.

The thing about caring for Mom and now Dad -- I want to be comforted like they comforted me when I was little. I want my Dad to be in charge and tell me everything's going to be alright. But he can't. Mom certainly couldn't. This being an adult really sucks. In some of my earlier blogs I called this time with daddy a "gift". It is a gift and I am grateful, but it's also stressful and confusing. And scary.