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I watched my Grandmother and her sister care for their mother as she slipped away bedridden. Years later, my Grandmother lost her sister to cancer. Neither loss was a pretty sight. I learned then that humans must have compassion and must employ it with true conviction.
You are a blessing to your Father just as you were a blessing to your Mother. My heart goes out to both you and Robert. I truly see you know in your heart that you are doing the right thing. Retirement homes are no place for the ones we love.
Whenever confusion and fear try to crash in, just pull up any one of the great memories you have with your Father. I can promise you it will get you thru. The "gift" you have never stops giving to you. Also remember that you are a gift to him as well.