Blogs » And Baby Makes Seven » The day in court that made me fear for my life...


I had another court hearing recently against my ex wife of whom I have three kids with. I am the custodial parent and it was a situation where if she had not followed certain guidelines and payment schedules, she would have been issued a warrant. At this hearing, everyone there was at the same point; either pay up or get locked up.

I drove the hour to Victoria arriving 30 minutes early at about 8:30am as usual fashion when I've to go. There were about 12 other women in there, and let me tell you... it was the most man hating environment I have EVER been in. It was just crazy! At one point a lady in her late 40's started talking all loud about how she just got finished with paying her own child support and if she could do it, that guy could blah blah blah. Then of course when the sharks smelled blood it just spiraled out of control as the next woman started with her story of her baby daddy story and on and on and on.

I just sat there not wanting to make eye contact with any of them for fear they would take out their anger on me. Sure, I could have spoken up and talked about my ex and how she has not seen her kids in about five years; let alone call, or send them a card or letter. But I am not going to overshare and get on a soapbox to tell everyone my business. I mean, I have had women laugh at my penis, but never hate me for just HAVING one. :-|

My BlackBerry was my distraction as always which was totally killed by this lady bailiff who said that all phones had to be turned off. Normally I would have just switched to ninja mode but I was in her line of sight and feared for my life as it was. As such, I'd not want to incur this woman's wrath while I was trying to tweet, "Rectum? DAMED NEAR KILLED 'EM!" or something. So I turned it off and so began what I assume drug addicts go through in detox.

It was torture! I didn't even know the time and was forced to sneak peeks at people's watches. I remember at one point saying to myself (not out loud mind you), "I cannot believe the random thoughts I am having." Some of the thoughts include:

- This tile is pretty scuffed up but the one to the left is shiny. I wonder if they do not buff the tiles where people sit.

- That screw is not as shiny as the others. I wonder if it was added later due to damage. The screw in the middle on the top hinge is not as flush as the other two.

- How many times have I been in this room?

- Did everyone have breakfast? Did anyone have Malt-O-Meal like me? I wonder if they put cinnamon sticks in the boiling water like my grandma does.

- I really don't remember much about the 4th grade.

- I wonder how much the hair weighed that was cut off yesterday. <-- I had gotten a haircut the Friday before.

- When is the next Disney Blu-Ray coming out and what will it be?

That's all I can remember right now but you get my point. Once the Attorney General personnel started taking cases, there was at least some things to keep me mildly distracted.

There was two guys from the county jail there. One was the typical orange / yellow jumpsuit but the other was green striped pattern that seriously looked like the shirt that Steve from Blue's Clues wore. FOR REAL! That guy (I'll call him Steve) was in all sorts of drama which was easily overheard when the AG lady working his case was on the phone talking very loudly about his business. It seems he was there that day for his case with a woman (obviously), had ANOTHER child support case with a different lady, BUT was in jail for a completely unrelated reason. Talk about a great catch!

The AG woman asked if he put $200 towards both of his child support cases, if that would allow him to what I assume be off the hook for a bit with those issues. I could not tell for sure as I didn't really hear because the lady in front of me piped up and said the following (and I quote), "AWWW HELL NAW! I ain't sett-lin' fo' naw $200 dollas! I gots a dawtah and ain't no $200 gonna pay fo nothin'!
Pfff Tell ME $200 dollas!"

To which the AG woman told whomever she was speaking too, "Uh.. nevermind." HA! There are some other things that should be pointed out as well to those who may be going to court:

- Do not wear a hat.

- If you MUST wear a hat, take the stupid thing off before entering a court room.

- You do not need to wear a tux, but do not wear a T-shirt.

- If you absolutely wear a T-shirt, do NOT wear one advertising beer.

- It's cool to be a fan of a certain theme, but wearing all Texas Longhorn clothing from head to toe is generally not a good idea.

- Above all, do NOT wear shorts. I cannot stress this one enough.

- The whole, "I just started this job last week" or "you can call my boss to ask how much I make" bit is as played out as the "my dog ate my homework" excuse.

- If I saw you in the same court room before all pissed off at your ex about paying child support, it is not very logical to now be all pis
ed off at the Attorney General for not immediately dropping the case. The above is ESPECIALLY true if you are on government benefits.

Also, what the hell is up with the weird love squares? No, that is not some erotic pastry, but if a love triangle is with three people, I assume one with four is a square. I ask because there was a woman who had a case against her ex but the guy wasn't there. The lady asked the AG person if he wanted her to go get him. AG said sure if she was OK with it. She went on to say it was MORE than OK, that there were on GREAT terms yadda yadda yadda. So after they get up, her ex, her ex's new chick, and her new dude all talk about where they were going after that and just carrying on like nothing was going on. WTF!? Call me old fashioned but that's just effing weird. If things were so great, why are you in this situation? Stupid!

Lastly, it is good to see our tax dollars are not being wasted on gadgets as the Attorney General's office were using Nokia 9535's that came out circa 3rd Quarter of 2003. For serious.