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LOVE and LUST
By askalice in Ask Alice
May 22, 2011

Dear Readers: Sex. Social media portrays it as a fun way to pass time with hardly any consequences. Sex is a beautiful and sacred thing, and should be shared by two people who love each other. Notice that I used the word "LOVE". This is different than "LUST" and teenagers in this day and age are getting them confused. When you have sex just to satisfy your urges, you are LUSTful. You are using your partner. The girlfriend in today's column was using her boyfriend. Love comes from doing what is best for the other person; sacrificing what you want for a happier and healthier relationship, including having sex. Pope John Paul II said, "The heart has become a battlefield between love and lust. The more lust dominates the heart, the less the heart experiences the nuptial meaning of the body. It becomes less sensitive to the gift of the person, which expresses that meaning in the mutual relations of man and woman... Sometimes it is concealed, so that it passes itself off as love, although it changes its true profile and dims the limpidity of the gift in the mutual relationship of persons. Does this mean that it is our duty to distrust the human heart? No! It only means that we must keep it under control." What he's trying to say is that love is giving of yourself and lust is destroying this gift. I'm not saying that sex is bad, just that it's a big deal and you have to be ready for the consequences and emotional changes from having it. You shouldn't have a sexual relationship with someone until you know your reasons behind it are full of love, not lust. You also need to show respect for the partner's body and feelings about sex. If they say no or push you away at all, stop and use your love for them to wait until both of you are ready for such a commitment. Lots of Love, Alice

Pope John Paul II quote found at http://www.ewtn.com/library/papaldoc/jp2tb31.htm

Original Ask Alice:

Dear Alice: My girlfriend has been pressuring me to sleep with her. As a guy, I really want to, but a long time ago I was told to save it for someone who I could never live without. My girlfriend and I just aren't that serious yet, and I’m starting to resent her advances and visits because they always lead to us fighting. Please help me find a way to tell her “No” without ruining our relationship or making her mad. -Not Ready Dear Not Ready: Whoever told you to wait for sex until you found the right person was absolutely correct. You should never feel pressured into sexual situations, and it’s wrong for your girlfriend to push this if you aren’t 100% comfortable with it. Tell her politely that you just don’t want to sleep with her yet, and explain to her how you feel about sex. If she cares about you, she will understand how much this means to you and respect your wishes. And when you are ready, don’t forget to keep yourself and your partner protected.

Dear Alice: I’ve been in Christian schools my whole life. My family isn’t very devout, but I was brought up in a Christian lifestyle. I recently discovered that I don’t really believe in God, but I’m still searching for the truth. Can you help me? -A Wandering Soul Dear A Wandering Soul: Have you ever seen the movie Les Miserables? My English class just finished it. The movie is all about living a moral life and helping others. Whether you are a Christian believing in God, or any other religion, the moral code of love and compassion remains. You do not have to believe in God to be a loving friend and kind person. If you want more from religion, people like priests, preachers, and other religious leaders can really open your mind and help you discover your own faith.

Dear Alice: My mother recently died and I’ve been really depressed about it. Most nights I drink 3-4 beers or a few shots, but sometimes I just down it all and pass out. My dad just ignores it and my friends don’t know yet, but I think they’re starting to catch on. I don’t know how to stop drinking and I’m tired of being this way. -Drunken Fool Dear Drunken Fool: You said that your drinking habits are a result of your recent loss, have you tried to talk to anyone about your feelings and depression? Obviously, you want to stop drinking, so first you need to sort out the stress and sadness that your mother’s death caused. You should also talk to your dad about this. I know he seems like the last person to talk to, but he is probably hurting inside just like you. Perhaps he needs to talk his emotions out with you to feel better too. Just remember that you’re only hurting yourself by drinking and that there are far more constructive ways to release the sadness inside you, such as talking to the people you care about for support.

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