Enjoyed your blog.

Continued from comment below:

For Men
Researchers have found many benefits for men who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

Live longer
Physically healthier
Wealthier
Increase in the stability of employment
Higher wages
Emotionally healthier
Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
Have better relationships with their children
More satisfying sexual relationship
Less likely to commit violent crimes
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

For Communities
Researchers have found many benefits for communities when they have a higher percentage of couples in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

Higher rates of physically healthy citizens
Higher rates of emotionally healthy citizens
Higher rates of educated citizens
Lower domestic violence rates
Lower crime statistics
Lower teen age pregnancy rates
Lower rates of juvenile delinquency
Higher rates of home ownership
Lower rates of migration
Higher property values
Decreased need for social services

As for question 2):

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articl...

...studies conducted over the past 30 years finds that premarital counseling improves the strength of marriage by 30 percent. And even couples that don't foresee relationship problems before exchanging their vows report a benefit from premarital guidance... couples not only communicate better after receiving premarital guidance, they also adjust better to married life... These findings, gathered from a combined 23 studies of marriage that were sponsored by communities, churches and schools.

Now in defense of the benefits of a faith-based program (note: still from a secular organization, albeit a conservative one):

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Reli...

…there is ample evidence that the strength of the family unit is intertwined with the practice of religion. Churchgoers are more likely to be married, less likely to be divorced or single, and more likely to manifest high levels of satisfaction in marriage…

Couples with long-lasting marriages indicate that the practice of religion is an important factor in marital happiness…

The Sex in America study published in 1995, and conducted by sociologists from the University of Chicago and the State University of New York at Stonybrook, also showed very high sexual satisfaction among "conservative" religious women (in fact, the highest overall level of sexual satisfaction of any specific group, as noted in the referenced study)…

The evidence indicates strongly that the widespread practice of religious beliefs strengthens individuals, families, communities, and society as a whole. It significantly affects educational and job attainment and reduces the incidence of such major social problems as out-of-wedlock births, drug and alcohol addiction, crime, and delinquency…

You are really asking two things:

1) does a healthy marriage provide the benefits I noted

2) are marriages more healthy (ie: stable and have a higher success rate) with pre-martial counseling. I used the example of faith based because that is where the overwhelming majority of premartial counseling is conducted/required, and it was in context of her specific course of action. I know for fact the Catholic Church is a strong proponent of such.

I do not have the time or inclination to review every statistical study, which largely repeat the same answer, so I'll leave that up to the summaries provided by known and reputable sources. Out of deference for your atheism, and in knowledge that your constant state of un-free-thinking evidenced by your denial of anything that is presented by a faith based organization, regardless of its validity, I have used secular sources. BTW, the biggest problem I had was choosing which of the millions (figuratively speaking) of sources to use.

For question 1):

Per the US Department of Health and Human Services:

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriag...

Benefits of Healthy Marriages

For Children and Youth
Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

More likely to attend college
More likely to succeed academically
Physically healthier
Emotionally healthier
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
Demonstrate less behavioral problems in school
Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors
Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers
Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married
Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone.
Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to be raised in poverty

For Women
Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

More satisfying relationship
Emotionally healthier
Wealthier
Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to remain or end up in poverty
Have better relationships with their children
Physically healthier

FT, please provide your source as well.

I bet JH'ville will be more than happy to honor your request.

BTW, I think it's a fair question. You just had more info than me.

I would like to see the source of the verifiable facts that people who seek pre-marital through their faith-based counseling actually enjoy all the things on your list more than a couple that seeks pre-marital counseling through non-religious counselors. Why are divorce rates higher among religious people than non-believers? In fact, the group with the highest divorce rate are non-denominational evangelical Christians followed by Baptists. Non-believers seem to have a much lower divorce rate then these two groups.

To get married in this diocese, and most that I am aware of, Catholics are required to take and complete a "marriage prep." course.

I guess Kerri will have to inform us.

Nice quote about living together before marriage.

Also, bad news from the CDC on this issue:

Among the findings in the report: unmarried cohabitations overall are less stable than marriages. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within 5 years is 20 percent, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49 percent. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations."

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/02n...

Also, having sex outside of marriage is a grave sin, which would put one in the state of mortal sin and unable to receive Communion. I say that, as it appears the author is Catholic.

Gyro- I didn't gather that Kerri is necesarily living with her beau. Is that what you are referring too?

Okay, Gyro, I'll give it a go.

Shacking up brings a host of problems:

Consider the following excerpts from various studies:

Cohabiting partners "experience significantly more difficulties in subsequent marriages and with issues of adultery, alcohol, drugs, and independence than couples who had not cohabited." Marriages preceded by cohabitation are 50 to 100 percent more likely to break up than those not preceded by cohabitation. (William Axinn and Arland Thornton, "The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Casual Influence?" Demography, Vol. 29, 1992, page 358.)

Of all sexually active people, married couples report being the most physically pleased and emotionally satisfied. (Robert T. Michael, John H. Gagnon, and Edward O. Lauman, Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1994, page 124.)

Cohabiting couples have less healthy relationships than married couples. (Jan E. Stets, "The Link Between Past and Present Intimate Relationships," Journal of Family Issues, 114, 1993, page 251).
Males beating female partners are "at least twice as common among cohabitors as it is among married partners." (Jan E. Stets, "Cohabiting and Marital Aggression: The Role of Social Isolation," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, 1991, pages 669-670)

The number of cases of major depression per 100 people per year: Married and Never Divorced--1.5; Never Married--2.4; Divorced Once--4.1; Cohabiting--5.1; Divorced twice--5.8. (Lee Robins and David Regier, Psychiatric Disorders in America: The Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study, New York: Free Press, 1991, page 72.)

A study published in the American Sociological Review found that for couples that cohabit with their future spouses, they explain: "Overall association exists between premarital cohabitation and subsequent marital instability. The dissolution rates of women who cohabit premaritally with their future spouse are, on average, nearly 80 percent higher than the rates of those who do not."
Neil G. Bennett, Ann Blanc Klimas and David E. Bloom, Commitment and the Modern Union: Assessing the Link Between Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability, American Sociological Review, 1988, p.132.

There's more to the article-http://www.geocities.com/maggi19/sex/cohabitation.htm

Cont...

Congratualtions. The best thing you are doing for your marriage is seeking the pre-martial counseling. Divorce rates amongst those who seek such are far far below that of those who do not.

We went through it, 18 years ago. I was not inclined to go, not due to a lack of faith, but rather a strong sense of independence and privacy.

We've had many arguments over the years, but we have reconciled more times than we've fought. One of the things I took away from the pre-martial counseling was how to reconcile and resolve our differences.

We have grown in our love over the years due to our fidelity, active romantic love life (which the Church strongly promotes), and mutual support of one another.

There is a lot to be said for the stability and healthy environment found in a solid marriage built upon core beliefs, for both the adults and their children.

This is not to say agnostics, atheists, or inactive believers of any stripe cannot enoy the same benefit.

But, it is a simple and statistically verifiable fact that those who seek pre-martial counseling through their faith based organization, and whom continue to educate themselves in their faith as they grow together, take to heart that passionate romantic love and an active monogamous sex life is God's gift for you to share together, and follow the guidance you are receiving now for developing open communication, enjoy all of:
* a longer, healthier, and happier life;
* a much reduced divorce rate;
* far less incidents of emotional and psychological breakdowns;
* children who tend to excel academically and socially;
* are more generous in supporting the less fortunate of our society;
* and are considerably more economically stable.

Please, please, please, heed my advice: You both must respect each other. You both must also defend each other. I have had the marriage from Hell for 5 years because my husband couldn't defend me against his family. He had always let them talk down to him. Then, when we got together, he didn't know how to defend himself, me, or our decisions against them. Since you are in classes with your priest, I am sure this will come up: Genesis 2:24. That verses meaning is repeatedly brought up thoughout the scriptures.

On the lighter side, we still have arguements as to where to go eat. I want to please him, he wants to please me. We usually both end up going someplace neither of us thought of in the first place!

But, if that is the worst type of arguments you have is where to eat, then you are doing great!

Many happy blessings upon your union!

And what about all the non-christians and non-believers that are happily married?

I laugh about where to eat. Have been married 30 years and that is our biggest and most common debate. Everything else is a piece of cake. He wants me to choose because I have special dietary needs. I want him to choose so that he can have something he really has been wanting. We have flipped coins or stayed at home eating nothing. Or sometimes building a meal out of the strangest things in the pantry. So good luck.