My wife and I have reached our 25th wedding anniversary. Analyzing statistics on marriage can be confusing, but it’s fair to assume we’ve beat a lot of odds. The biggest hurdle, apparently, is reaching seven years, which is like a golden anniversary in California. To give this some perspective, in the last twenty-five years eight superintendents got their tickets punched on the way to greener pastures with fatter cows, and about 2,500 students received a report card with my name on it.
It's natural to reminisce over the occasions leading up to such a day. All the sleepless nights feeding and rocking the kids to sleep. Hundreds of diapers. The first ball hit in a YMCA ragball game. The visits to the emergency room. The first half-time show with the drill team or the marching band. Watching one after another cross the stage at graduation.
After reaching a milestone like this, one earns a certain amount of respectability and is sought out for sage advice on whatever he has been doing for the last 25 years. So pull up a chair and listen if you want the secret to longevity after strapping on a cummerbund and saying “I do.”
Ready? Here it is. . .
It's not so important to be interesting as interested.
That’s it. You can be as dumb as a doorknob or as witty as Oscar Wilde. If you don’t pay constant attention to the woman, you’re going to miss out on something important. Sure, you may think it’s trivial, but take my word for it. There is nothing trivial in the mind of a woman. When she speaks, you listen. Drop the remote, the weed-whacker, the paint brush, the power tool, the book you’re reading. Unnecessary distractions, all. And there’s going to be a quiz later. You might have to take it as you’re suddenly awakened from a deep sleep, taking a shower, or grilling burgers. Forget multiple-choice. It’s like filling out a blue book on a college exam graded by a professor in a skirt.
At the same time, imagine all the nuances the husband can convey by simply emphasizing a different syllable in the stock response to any demand: “Yes, Dear:”
"Yyyyyes, Dear." - Meekly accepting his fate. "Yeeeees, Dear." - Meekly accepting his fate, with a hint of rebellion. "Yesssss, Dear." - Impatience bordering on full-scale rebellion. "Yes, DEAR!" - Impatience bordering on homicide.
Bridezilla, a TV cable show, features dysfunctional would-be brides on the hunt for the perfect dress, the perfect cake, and the perfect nuptial vows. The prospect of marriage opens up a major market - dresses, flowers, decorations, music, etc. It's so big, there should be a listing for weddings on the NASDAQ. By contrast, I delivered pizza to earn some extra income for a frugal ceremony. Flowers, food and libations were supplied by local vendors. The invitations were designed by one of the bride’s brothers. The reception was at the University of Houston Catholic Newman Center. Our wedding wasn’t perfect by cable TV standards, but it was a golden moment for us.
Make that silver.
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RIVERBOAT: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TWO. We've had 43 years so that has to be at least 2500 miracles. Lots of folks have said, "That's because you're never home. You're off workin' away from home so much." If the things we hear and read are anything to judge by, there's more truth in that than people realize. I read the other day, in Dear Abby?, that after the old man retired the couple can't stand each other. It might be like the gals saying that after the guys retire there's not enough money and too much husband. How many time is that due to hubby's spending 30 supervising others and at home he starts trying to tell his wife how to do everything she's been doing all those years? If hubby has no outside interests, he usually needs to get some muy pronto. Interrupting a person's routines is like stirring up an old settin' hen...there's gonna be lots of squawkin' and feathers flyin' and probably lots of peckin' goin' on. When you're in a canoe it's best if both of you're paddling in the same direction
June 30, 2009 at 1:52 p.m.Why is it like a golden anniversary in California?
June 29, 2009 at 1:03 a.m.Congratulations!! Enjoyed this blog very much.
June 28, 2009 at 5:48 p.m.Very funny, as usual. You need to write more!
June 28, 2009 at 5:39 p.m.Congratulations on your anniversary :) Like Alton Easton, I was looking for more at the end. I'm always interested in other people's opinions about what keeps a marriage alive and what doesn't.
June 28, 2009 at 5:05 p.m.Encore!
I read it twice to save you the trouble.
June 28, 2009 at 3:36 p.m.Top notch blog, it held my interest till the very end, and I was even looking for more when it ended.
June 28, 2009 at 2:03 p.m.Congratulationsand here's hoping for another 25.
June 28, 2009 at 11:21 a.m.Great blog...Inspiring.