Advice to a new born boy. A little light heartedness for such troubled times


Dear Nate,

Can I call you Nate?

Don't answer, I know that thing in your mouth is a little awkward right now but it will be very useful later in life in everything from speaking to enjoying things like chocolate. You are going to LOVE chocolate!

I'd like to be the first to welcome you to your new home aside from your immediate family that is! I'm a long time friend of your parents. Eventually you and I will meet probably in much the same way as I met your sister, at a busy Thanksgiving surrounded by people who will be very enamored with you. Yes, "enamored" is a big word but you'll get use to big words as your parents are very intelligent and I'm positive that will rub off on you.

So I know things are a little strange right now. New appendages that aren't fully connected can be daunting but keep in mind that it all comes together eventually. Unfortunately, that's when things get really awkward. No worries though! Your parents are there to help you with that. Anything you don't know you can always ask them about and what they won't tell you, you're crazy Uncle Bryan will be more than happy to fill you in on. ;-) That wink was for your parents, specifically your mom, because I can see her cringing while her cheeks turn bright red.

Okay, so back to the strangeness of your new surroundings. There are a few things that are pretty important that are going to happen very quickly that you might want to be prepared for.

Solid food...yeah. Solid food is AWESOME! As with anything though, if you eat too much or the wrong things it does strange things to you so it's best to try everything at least once and in small quantities. You'll find that sugar tastes great and makes you feel good but in the long run it's pretty dangerous so it's best to go easy on that.

Potty training...VERY IMPORTANT! It’s best to get this done quickly. Kind of gives you that feeling of independence, plus, underwear are way more comfortable than diapers!

Older Sisters...Since you're younger than she is, she's going to know much more than you because she's done it already. She is going to be one of your best sources of advice. Don't worry about cooties! with the modern advances in childhood imaginary medicine they are almost non-existent, and if you do get them mom and dad’s kisses clear them right up!

Parents...I know we talked a bit about them earlier in this letter but I really gotta go back to them. You are one lucky kido! 2 engineers for parents! That means you are stocked with brains by default. It's best to put those to work for you as soon as possible. Lots of reading and lots of math, pick up a musical instrument (I recommend the drums), art doesn't hurt either. I think I lost track of what I was actually going to talk about here. Something else you should be aware of, when you get older, your mind tends to wander. Nothing to fret about right now though! Back to your parents!

This is very important and will save you pain and heartache in the future: "Your parents know what they are talking about."

Trust me! I have taken their advice on countless occasions even at my age, so it's best to listen. You'll have to prove that to yourself, I know, but make sure that you remember that lesson and for their sake, don't hurt yourself too bad when you test the waters.

Spankings...You are going to get them in one form or another. They don't have to be painful and they don't even have to be an actual spanking. You'll know when they happen though! One of your parents will give you that look (You'll know it when you see it) and then it's pretty much over with. The important thing to remember is that you are being punished because you have put yourself in some sort of danger or you have done something that is inappropriate. At that moment you might feel like your parents don't love you. Nothing could be farther from the truth! You'll know what I mean when it happens and if you don't, just ask your parents and they explain what happened.

Farting...I just put this in here to make your mother cringe again. ;-) You'll figure this out on your own. No one actually knows why this is so funny, but when appropriately placed you will make people laugh uncontrollably. Actually, it's just guys who laugh at this stuff so it's probably best to keep it amongst the fellas. Hint: Farting is related to food!

Alright little brother, that should keep you going for the next several years. When you're ready for more, start with mom and dad and I'll check in from time to time to see how you're doing and maybe spoil you and your sister a little.

Sincerely, Uncle Bryan

P.S. Take care of your parents for me.