Blogs » Here I Go Again » Ripple Effect of Domestic Violence


The thought of whether or not to write this has been plaguing me all night; although I was able to still get decent rest, I still had vivid nightmares of the torment and trauma an event has placed on my family.

My mother, the woman responsible for giving me life. The woman that put a roof over my head. A woman that always tried to meet all of her children's demands when she barely had anything for herself. The same person that went hungry so I could eat when money was tight, was assaulted by a man who claims to love her.

I wasn't personally there when everything happened, but in between sobs, I was able to get basic details of the following: he hit her, took a hammer to her living room windows and her only vehicle -her main transportation to/from work-, kept her from calling the police, and threatened her with her rifle. I know I appear to trivialize these circumstances, but I don't have full detail or disclosure, so I don't feel it is right to go all out into description that may have pieces missing.

This man, has been accused of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and interference with an emergency call. That is it!

Maybe I'm just taking it personally because this happened to my mother, but come on! This man has a record that spans a few counties from other instances of aggravated assault to injury of a child, with more than a few DWI's in between. This also isn't the first instance of my mother having to call the police and filing a report on him.

She is terrified for her life if he makes bond or bail -at this point, I have no clue if he has appeared before a judge- and what kind of a life is that for a person?

This woman has worked every day of her life to trying to support herself and her family. She has worked through illness, she has missed holidays, birthdays, funerals, you name it, just to make sure she has enough to keep up with various payments. Now, she is left without a way of transportation, she is scared of being at home, and she is emotionally traumatized by this man.

I feel absolutely useless in this whole situation. All I can do is offer her advice on how to deal with the situation at hand, but all it is is words.

I'll admit that I have contemplated the prospects of telling everyone involved that I don't want any part of this, to leave me alone, handle it themselves, all this just to spare my mind of the pain she must be feeling right now; but she is my mother, and even if every part of my good judgement tell me to stay neutral, I cannot help but take it personally when she is suffering.

Maybe domestic violence isn't the high priority of those in the legal system, but what happens if they let this man go free and he continues on making other people suffer? How will it look to a community to lose a member due to a flaw in our legal system? I've seen it in the news just recently how people are obtaining parole, and going back to their old ways and going right back to old habits. People like that do not change. People that have a criminal record continuously growing for 20 years do not just simply wake up one day and say: "Hey, I think I'm going to be an upstanding member of this community".

I'm tired of hearing her cry, I'm tired of her making excuses as to why she has to stay with him, I'm tired of her being emotionally and physically abused by a man that should have never been allowed out of jail the first time.