Blogs » J.Q. Tomanek of Victoria » Does changing the word make it so?

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My satirical journey to justify why I should be able to “give” myself your property:

“I will call it “giving.” “To present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow” is the first definition and it sounds hard, but I do like the sound of the word. It is not as harsh sounding as “take” or “steal” which both have negative connotations.

So my plan involves wanting the ability to take what is yours without your permission. I know it sounds bad, but it really isn’t because I was born with this desire to “give” this way or it is my choice to do what I want as long as I don’t hurt another physically. If I “give” myself your property, nobody can say I am hurting you unless you “offend” me by “protecting” what I rightly want. It is “rightful” merely because I want it, after all who is to say what I want is good or bad and who is judge me? Nobody has the authority to stop how I am in my DNA or how I want to choose, it is my rights that would be trampled upon.

Now this part may sound absurd, but you should like my “giving” too. “Why?” you may ask. Well, this “giving” is simply my practice of freely choosing to act a certain way which is the only good and virtuous thing for we all know that if you prevent my “giving” to myself your property you would be discriminating against “givers.”

My third point is also very logical. My “giving” is very dangerous because others tend to be upset by my choices and this typically entails some sort of altercation when another individual wants his property that is rightfully mine because I want it and wish not to offend him physically. When this fight happens, I am only defending what is good because it is good for me to choose however I want which includes my “giving.” I should be provided safety by the government, so making this “giving” legal affords me the protection of being equal with others and protection so that this practice of “giving” is safe. Too many have died in back alley “giving” and so I think it would be safer if there were places I could take you so that my “giving” would not lead to injuries, after all we “givers” are going to do it anyway.

By the way, if you dislike what I say, then you must hate us “givers” and you must be more tolerant, after all, this is the 21st century and what you call “stealing” is so archaic. That “stealing” thing is biblical too, so you wouldn’t want to force your religion on me would you?”