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Labels - "Goths" vs "Emos" and "Unschoolers" vs "School-at-homers"
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(e-mail response to a thread on the A2Z homeschool yahoo group)
This thread reminds me of the many times I asked or saw others ask "What is the difference between 'unschooling' and 'homeschooling?'" which reminded me of a question my daughter asked the other day. With her fingernails and toenails painted black she asked, "What's the difference between GOTH and EMO?" "'Emo' and 'Goth' aren't they both freaks?" was my first reaction. I bet when non-homeschool people see someone ask, "What's the difference between homeschooling and unschooling?" they probably think the same thing, "aren't they both crazy?"
In our search to find the answer, to the Goth vs EMO question, we realized that there were as many definitions for each label as there were people who claimed to be one or the other. There also seemed to be much concern about who was a true GOTH and who was just a 'wanna be.' Sure, there were some common characteristics for each, but still, the definitions were fluid.
I said, "Be above the labels." Don't worry about the labels or other peoples' image wars. Look at how they both claim that they aren't "conformists" but aren't they conforming to each other? There's a type of peer pressure to adhere to these peer-produced not-so-norms.
And then we found not only were there "goths" and "emos" but there are "punks" too. Just when you thought you had figured out these two labels you find out that there are not just unschoolers and homeschoolers but there are "eclectic" homeschoolers "classical" homeschoolers, and even "John Holt unschoolers"... What the heck.
We didn't get anywhere. So we played around with some GOTH paper dolls and she realized that it was actually all kind of silly. People want to belong. It's what makes us cling so tightly to a group or label.
I told her that I loved the way that she dresses! I love her camo capris with all the pockets and buttons and how her t-shirts are always so long. I love her flip flops and her hair in her face. I love the way she is and everyone should be just like her - she's so neat! She should be proud of who she is and not worry about other groups. She's such a cool person! Then I realized, "Hey, I was GOTH and EMO before they had a label for it!" (went through that phase 25 years ago.)
But, seriously, I want to be above the labels. I don't want to be an "unschooler" or a "school at homer." We are just a family living and learning together and that means we can fit into all these labels or none depending on the mood. I can identify with all and with none. I love the way we are and I love the people my children are becoming. Let other people who are so inclined entertain themselves by trying to define us. I am not worried about their conclusions.
Don't identify with a label and don't try to fit into one. If you don't wear your label like a banner you won't be offended when you feel someone isn't on your imaginary team. GOTH vs EMO wars or the UNSCHOOLER vs School-at-Homer wars - hey, we are all freaks when it gets down to it. Be above the labels.
We had some fun with this EMO GOTH thing. When I was taking this picture she wanted to make sure that some of her hair was covering one eye. When I was uploading her images to Xanga, Kelsey said, "See you later, I'm going to go write some depressing poetry!" She has also painted her little brother's fingernails BLUE.
I like to say, "ELMO instead of EMO." (Reminds me of that cartoon where the little boy opens his Christmas present and finds a "POLKA MAN" inside. His parents say, "you wanted polka man for Christmas, right?")
And speaking of LABELS and STEREO TYPES - THE BREAKFAST CLUB has been on T.V. lately! I love that movie!
Thank goodness the black nail phase gave way to a more summery nail phase....
(old post - it's summer and we are not doing anything worth sharing....)
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You know, I never understood the stereotypes or labels, even in high school. I know I was definitely looked down on and maybe a bit of an outcast because I never fit one set stereotype. I dressed in whatever way pleased me on that particular day. If you look at my music collection even now, the range of styles and genres is wide and ecclectic. I always just went with what felt good or right to me. I guess I was a strange kid in that it didn't bother me to not fit into one place or to have lots of kids not like me just because of that. (Of course, I have a theory that many of them were jealous I was so comfortable with myself and unaffected by their opinions.) The more the stereotypes and rifts between minors grows, the sadder it makes me. I feel like these kids are setting themselves up for lonely, unidentifiable lives in the future, and a lot of adults are letting them, or encouraging them, touting this singular identification as finding themselves. I'd like to believe finding myself, or my daughter finding herself, doesn't mean identifying with a small select group of people to the point of being unable to associate with another group, despite similar tastes in things.
June 24, 2008 at 3:12 p.m.yeah, you have your Goths, Emos, Scene Kids, Punks, Hardcore Kids, Thugs, Gangsters, Chulos/as, Cholos/as, Ghetto Girls/Guys (any girl/boy that appears or portrays that of someone who is ghetto), we still have the same old Losers, Loners, Populars, and Preps too. So many different "labels" but deep down, this is the most strange generation I have ever witnessed, Not mine, but my younger sisters. They have so many labels apparent, but they don't identify with each other, yet they all listen to the same type of music at times. I have never seen so much integration of material, yet still they choose not to identify with others simply because of the way they dress and how they approach certain situations. It's funny how I watched the Breakfast club too, not to long ago. Thanks for the Great Post!
June 24, 2008 at 2:09 p.m.