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What was the most embarrassing episode of your life?
By Rebecca in Learning in Freedom
August 15, 2010

I’m going to turn myself inside out for a few minutes and share with you some of the most embarrassing episodes of my life. No, not when my skirt fell down in front of parents and peers during my second grade play. "Who cares about the skirt? Isn’t it more important to finish my scene undistracted?” I was aware it was happening but my priorities were skewed. Ooops, I didn’t mean to share that.

I won’t share with you about my first childhood crush, Darth Vader, promise.

What Duran Duran phase? Not the Slash, Mathias Jabs, or my Edgar Allen Poe Phase, oh wait.

My bouts of "depression" started when I was in the eighth grade. I don’t know what happened that year got boobies and hips but I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that the only way to escape was to read “The Raven” over and over locked in my room.

In my solitude I invented a secret code so that I could write about my feelings without anyone knowing. The characters looked Greek and I even used a theta for an O. I would take brown paper grocery bags (this was before plastic bags), rip them into large pieces, write an encrypted message on them with a black marker, and burn the edges. The product was something that I thought looked like a very old and weathered ancient manuscript. I think I invented "Emo." That's embarrassing.

I was miserable. I can remember crying into the mane of a horse, “You are the only person who understands me.” It was a shock to me when she showed me that she really didn’t understand me. I have a scar on my chest from when she picked me up with her teeth. She taught me not to hang-out in a stall with a mare who just gave birth. I didn’t like mares much after that anyway. There were other manes to cry into.

I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for horses. Well, horses and Edgar Allan Poe.

It’s amazing how one can force-fit and protect all kinds of darkness in an invisible place in the chest - while smiling. A cipher that leaves you encrypted without a key.

That dark place was stirred today by Pablo Neruda’s Sonnet XVII and especially the line, “I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.” I know that place. It’s where I shoved Darth Vader, Edgar Allan Poe, Heathcliff, licorice, extremely dark chocolate…

My emotions and my silliness embarrass me.

Obviously, I ran out of room to share some of the biggies. I'm going to wait to share the most embarrassing event of my life another time. It involves a brand new camcorder, a Christmas gathering filled with conservative grannies and innocent children... I might have to encrypt it, if that's ok. Maybe that's hint enough.

TOP THAT!

Comments


  • Rebecca Rebecca Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    Still do. I follow two of him on Twitter and even his brother, Chad, who works at Empire Market. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad_Vad...

    August 16, 2010 at 9:30 p.m.

  • LAHightower LAHightower Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    You had a crush on Vader? That's kind of awkward, as my first crush was Luke Skywalker..... Yeah. But that's not my most embarrassing moment. Only me and the rest of the people in the auditorium when I forgot the words to my school's alma mater know that....

    Wait.... Oops.

    August 16, 2010 at 7:51 p.m.

  • Rebecca Rebecca Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    LOL That sounds like a Ben Stiller moment. That little lady probably told that story at Bridge for years!

    August 15, 2010 at 8:45 a.m.

  • artramirez artramirez Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    A few years ago, a few Marine veterans and myself drove to College Station to present a seminar on the Korean War to a history class of A&M Cadets.
    Prior to, we stopped at a local Cafe to change into my (somewhat tight fitting) uniform.
    In haste, I quickly entered the bathroom and began pulling of my
    civilian clothes.
    As I was at the closest point of being 100% bare a$$ed naked
    an elderly lady came out of one of the stalls.
    YOU GUESSED IT....I was in the woman's restroom!
    Talk about embarrassed!
    After my hurried attempt at trying to explain, this nice lady seen my self humiliation, smiled, shook her head and walked out.
    As they had arrived already dressed, my Marine brothers were waiting for me in the lobby laughing their collective butts off.
    True story.

    August 15, 2010 at 8:10 a.m.