One of the hardest things about being in the military- well, I suppose I should amend that- being a "dependant of military personnel" is being in the dark about what's going on. I hardly understand the military to begin with and now I'm waiting to find out so many things. My husband was told that by July 1st we would be given a house on base; but he was apparently also told that we were number 427 on the list of people waiting for married housing. Can anyone tell me how that's possible? I hesitate to believe that it is. Sometimes I wonder if the military makes up answers to questions because they really don't know the answer and they don't want people to know that truly, nobody knows what's going on. Or maybe sometimes they just give you the answer that they think will get you to shut up and leave them alone. Maybe I shouldn't be saying this. I know that as an army wife, I am supposed to be fully supportive of the army and the military as a whole but sometimes that's not so easy. Sometimes it's not so easy because half the time I'm waiting to find out important, life changing information, knowing that someone out there probably knows the answer but somehow that information just hasn't trickled down to us yet. Sometimes it's not so easy because to be honest, I desperately want to believe in the cause that our country is fighting for but I don't understand this war. I have avoided all information pertaining to it until my husband (then boyfriend) decided to join the army. This is probably an especially bad thing to admit considering that I'm an aspiring journalist and anyone involved in the news industry is supposed to know about these sort of things, right? But I don't. Fortunately though, I am not expected to write about them or cover them in any professional way. I never wanted to know about the war or any of that before because, like most people in America, I guess I just wanted to sort of pretend that it wasn't there. If I didn't really think about it- about all the lives lost, families broken, torn apart and destroyed, and the heartbreaking, terrifying reasons they say are behind it- then how could it get to me? I didn't really know anyone in the military, which is another reason why I know so little about it. I'm surprised to find out though that I actually knew a bit more than some of the general population- several friends have asked me when my husband is being deported! I had another friend ask if the two of us were returning in the fall to the town where I have been attending college. She wasn't thinking about the fact that the army gives you a duty station and that is where you HAVE to live- or at least in that town. I finally did find out when he is being deployed- they told him two days ago that he is being sent to Iraq in January. This is going to sound a bit odd, but frankly I was relieved. We have longer than I expected until then and we were both thinking he was probably going to go to Afghansitan. They say Iraq is safer.
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Thanks for the web sites. Commanded appointed family representative/ombudsman? I have never heard of such a thing. I don't know who to be persistent and respectful to. It seems like the army is trying to be more geared towards family these days, but I just don't know who to talk to... I hope it doesn't sound like I'm just a grouchy lady full of complaints... it just always seems like there are so many rules to follow but nobody ever even tells you what they are and they just reprimand you when you don't. I don't want to call some random office trying to get a hold of someone to answer my questions when they probably have better things to do and end up getting my husband in trouble... You know what I mean? But I knew of someone whose job was to answer my questions... Is there a person like that? I should google ombudsman. That's a funny word, by the way.
June 27, 2009 at 5:18 p.m.I can't speak for what life is like as a military spouse, having been the one deploying and leaving home for underway periods all the time. However, the two links below are for Military spouse/family support websites that you might find helpful. It is important to remember that for every married service member there is a husband or wife who is going or has gone through the very things you're describing. Just remember that you are not alone and don't allow yourself to get too worked up.
Communication - with your husband, as well as any command appointed family representative/ombudsman - is absolutely VITAL. If he doesn't have the answers all the time, that's just because somebody higher up the chain doesn't have the personal investment in your married life that he does. Sometimes it can be like pulling teeth, but if you're persistent (and respectful) you can get quite a bit accomplished. Keep your head up, things will get better as you adjust to this new lifestyle.
Also, there are several other people who post here who have been on Active Duty in the Army and Marine Corps - they might be able to give better insight on the workings of the respective branches.
http://www.militarysos.com/ <- Military Significant Others and Spouse Support
June 26, 2009 at 7:51 p.m.http://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/... <- Military One Source - Army (Active Duty) page