I'm still in a turkey coma, and it still feels good! I can't wait to get into the slow "dosage-reduction" phase over the next day or so.
I'm very thankful for yesterday’s company. One surprise guest with a great "fruity" bottle of wine really capped it all off with the perfect vintage, for a perfect meal, with the perfect company. As usual, we all gave our individual thanks one after the other and then proceeded to eat and converse across many interesting subjects. Contentment abounded and no rib was left un-encumbered with the heavy press of turkey and all the fixings. The evening wound down and the kids decided they would make it out early for “Black Friday”. My “Muse” became the luckless driver for that foray. I slept in.
I have many things to be thankful for. I am blessed with much and I thank God for all that he has seen fit to provide me with. It is said that as long as we remember where we came from, we will always know where we are and where we need to go. (Don’t ask me who said it, I just think that philosophy is one of many important ones.) With that stated, I want to share something else I am thankful for with you. I’ll do that in my own unique way, and, here goes.
One Of My “Most Thankful For” Things:
I had been sleeping that night, in the living room. In my own fog of destitution I had been kicked out of the bedroom. I did not know the hour when fate scratched the ceiling and dusted me with its own form of “glitter”. My chest tightened and my lungs began to feel as if they had disappeared. My jaw clenched and my eyes snapped open wide. I could see in the darkness as if it were day. I yelled out thru my teeth as I felt what I thought were my gums ballooning up to explode.
“What is it?” she asked simply. I looked up thru watering eyes and tried to communicate a “dial 911”. I thought I conveyed it clearly. All I got was “What?” That was the last word my mind recorded as I tried with more and more difficulty to get her do take action. Hand signals and what little I could get thru my teeth all seemed to elicit the same response. Dumb, wordless questions drifted into my ears and I realized that one, I might well be having a heart attack, and two, she seemed to be waiting for me to die.
Somewhere in all this she may have gotten the phone in hand but I clearly recall she never dialed any number. I felt a single tear roll out of my right eye and across my temple. My head, gums, and chest felt like so many sticks of dynamite with only a nano-meter of fuse left. After a few moments looking up into those eyes I knew what they wanted to see. They wanted to see me dead and cold there on the floor when an ambulance arrived. I knew no call would be made until I had left. There and then, the sparks of a vow were initiated. I vowed that would be the last time my heart was ever broken. As it shattered I let the pieces fall where they would. I could pick them up later, this time.
The screaming freight train slowly faded from my head and the painful puff of my gums diminished. The dull stake thru my heart seemed to withdraw along with the “concrete” air that had “set-up” in my lungs. She was still there, speaking in questions I will never care to remember, as I emerged from the “attack”. I let her ask a few more times before I gave an answer. With each moment I could see she thought I might really be on the way out. When her eyes widened slightly I gave her a sighing, “I’m okay.” I’ve never seen a clearer dismay on a human beings face, ever. She was clearly disappointed that I was still, alive. “I’m okay.”
I never went to the doctor for whatever had happened that night. My speculation points towards my own personal problems and anxiety more than coronary. In any case I will always be thankful to God that then was not my time, and that my “would- be” murderer had failed to enjoy her front row seat to my demise that she so clearly wanted to “watch”. As for the person I was way back then, there is no doubt that either of us would have eventually found a way to “get rid of” the other, sooner or later.
I eventually “set asunder” what God had joined together and that is one weight I have no remorse about having to shoulder. Whatever penance I owe or is owed to me, God will balance the final scale. Where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going, are all a part of who I am, and who I am thankful to be.
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