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The light in my heart yearns to burn brighter every day. The darkness holds in its hover just beyond reason. The interplay of the two is usually sparse at best. They sometimes face off though in mental rhetoric. With their symbolic ‘cling-clang’, like swordsmen engaged in battle, they strike back and forth at one another. Balancing the two is an everyday task. It defines who I am. It’s the foundation of my personality. What I present to the world is an extrapolation of this inner war that I wage.

The light chases away the darkness. The darkness chases away the light. The two do not mix. They just displace one another and diverge, converge, retreat, charge, or just ‘stare’ fiercely at one another. They have equal mass in my heart. They have equal mass in my mind. I’m tempered by their presence. I grip the reins of each in either hand. My vigilance regarding them ages me. I will not live forever but I will not give them free reign on every gram of my soul.

There are few moments of mellowness. Most often I am wading thru the mental mess perpetrated by these two uncompromising traits. My outward actions inevitably carry echoes of the inner battle to those around me but my hands keep a tight grip thru blood and sweat, straining to not falter.

There are moments of irrational expectation. Whatever it appears the outcome of a situation might be, I long for a different resolution. I tend to forget how easy failure is, and blindly, I keep trying my best.

I spend a lot of mental time standing at the crux of onslaughts. It’s a powerful gale-in-slow-motion that I must hold my own sanity against. The light, and the darkness, they both know me too well. Then again, we were born as one.

Angels are always on my shoulders. They are angels of light, and they are angels of darkness. Whispers and screams are easy to ignore when you know what they really are. They are just as easy to give in to. What they really want is rarely fully understood. Measuring how much you bend in the wind they blow upon your bones is the true trick of mentally surviving each moment.