Blogs » On Another Note » No Clowns In The Fast Food Joint


The missus and I went on a family outing this weekend. After a 3 hour drive, we decided to stop and pick up something to eat. Driving with a picky 5 year old, we stopped at one of the few fast food places we knew she would eat something at.

It was a Chick-fil-a restaurant, and I was not prepared for the horrors that stood before me.:
After a few minutes and our turn to step up to the big menu and cash registers came, I came face to face with one of my biggest adversaries in life. A clown.
He was standing off to the side of the registers, doing his clown business, in the way of the patrons who were placing their orders.
A few things to keep in mind when dealing with clowns… One, don’t make eye contact. If you make eye contact they try to incorporate you into their stupid act…. Clown acts are for kids. Clowns are used to getting beaten up (or they should be) so they are also not afraid to incorporate you into their clownish act. For some reason, they think that a group of kids around them will keep them from getting assaulted if they try to ruin your day. (Now I never recommend actually assaulting a clown, it’s a stupid reason to go to jail, and white makeup takes forever to wash off.)
Two… If a clown tries to make contact with you. Just look past them, and walk away, pretend you didn’t hear them or you are deaf. NEVER try to act tough or mad, that provokes a clown, and makes them think they can turn your frown upside down… Frowning at a clown will make them give more attention to you.
Three. If you do make contact with a clown, don’t accept anything from them, doesn’t matter if it’s a flower or a balloon animal. Don’t do it. Clowns are shifty creatures.

Speaking of balloon animals. That’s one of my phobias. Rubber balloons. Not the cool reflective helium kind. But the cheap kind that are at birthday parties, or the kind you make balloon animals out of. Well, it just happened to be this clown’s specialty. After placing my order, the clown tried to say something about my daughter’s bow on her head, but as a good parent, I quickly rushed her to the playground area away from the freak.

Talking to my sister at her house later, I told her about the encounter. She said “Oh you mean “Sweet Potato?” (That was the clown’s name, he even had business cards). “Yeah he’s everywhere in this town, people can’t get away from him.”
So my most heartfelt condolences go to the city of Lake Jackson, personally, I’m thinking of starting up my own “anti clown” service. We would dress up like old time hobos, and have acts that would embarrass the clowns instead of regular people. I think my anti clown hobo name would be “Jerk Chicken”.