Blogs » Pop Goes the Culture » True Hollywood Story: Chupacabra edition

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First things first, I'd just like to point out that the old adage "the camera adds ten pounds" is complete and total bunk. Looking at myself on video, the camera had to have added at least 20 pounds to my girlish figure. And I don't know who photoshopped that double chin on me in every scene, but as soon as I find out they are going to get a good talkin' to, believe you me.

For those of you who are lost, the Advocate editors, in either a temporary lapse of judgment or a temporary drunken stupor, gave me the go-ahead to make a news video spoof (a la The Daily Show) on the ongoing chupacabra saga. So I wrote a script, kidnapped our photographer T.C. Baker and ran around Victoria like a speed freak shooting scenes in which the ultimate goal was to make myself look ridiculous (although if you've every read my column, that's pretty much par for the course for me).

What's even more amazing is they saw the final product (complete with props like booze, a toy rifle and a shameful misuse of the Charlie's Angels them song) they have yet to take the video down from the Web site or fire me where I stand.

So now that's it's all over, I can share with you, my beloved readers, all the juicy good stuff that happened behind the scenes, like...

1. On the first day of shooting, I was attacked by a flying bug approximately the size of the Alamo and commenced to scream like a 5-year-old little girl. Luckily T.C. captured this all on video and so now I can look forward to someday being blackmailed by it.

2. On every set there is a diva and on ours, the diva was one Mr. Tim Delaney. If he wasn't complaining about his nonfat, no foam, chai latte being too cold, he was trying to upstage me every time the camera was rolling.

3. Watching Bill Clough's long and esteemed journalism career get flushed down the toilet the second he agreed to appear in our pitiful excuse of a video (thanks Billy...I owe you a beer).

4. Every movie set has at least one torrid affair between co-stars and on this particular set, that affair was between Sonny Long and chupacabra. Hope you two crazy kids can work it out.

Well, thats about all the juicy behind the scenes stuff I can muster right now.

(Warning! Warning! Shameless self-promotion ahead!)

If you haven't seen the video of me making an idiot out of myself, just follow the link: http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/847/story/145702.html