And no, I'm talking about the panic that occurs during home births here.
Many people have asked me (re: every married person I know) about my still single status even though my current boyfriend and I have been declaring our undying love for each other for almost three years.
The answer? I don't ever want to sound like this woman.
To be more specific, this woman is Ellen Tien and the above link goes to her recent article in Oprah's magazine. The gist of her diatribe? Although she is a contently-married woman, she (and many of her similar-aged friends) daydream about divorce.
She calls it the Mid-Wife Crisis. As she describes it, the thought of divorce:
"...flicks me, hard, just under the eye when, during a parent-teacher conference, he raises his arm high in the air, scratches his armpit, and then --then! -- absently smells his fingers."
She goes on to describe her marriage as not blissful, but not a disaster either. But still the thought of being free is enticing to her and her other married friends. Kind of like a safety net when it all becomes just too much.
Now mind you, I thought this piece was brutally honest about what real marriage is like and for that I commend her. She asks the questions about modern day marriage most women would shy away from, even asking the big taboo question of whether or not marriage will be obsolete in the not too distant future. .
But at the same time, if that's married life, you can have it. I don't want to ever wake up one morning at the age of 37, look over at my husband and think to myself "Eh, I could take it or leave it."
Now, I'm not so naive to think that marriage is this state of perfect happiness. Far from it. I'm not even married yet and my relationship already has dealt with its own set of arguments, money problems, insecurities and hard times.
But still, and call me old-fashioned if you will, I think there is something romantic about a couple who has been married for 50 years and are still walking down the street hand-in-hand together. I guess we never know what goes on behind closed doors, and maybe that couple too woke up in their 40s and contemplated divorce.
All I know is that what scares me when it comes to marriage is that I never want to get to the point in my relationship where after years of being through thick and thin together, all it takes is one annoying habit like absent-mindedly smelling your fingers that immediately bring to mind divorce.
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