Blogs » Pop Goes the Culture » Torturing celebrity babies via idiotic names


Forget the fact that the world is heading to hell in a basket, ladies and gentlemen. None of that matters anymore since the most important thing that has ever happened in the history of the world ever has happened.

Angelina Jolie finally gave birth to her twins. W00t!

And of course, the second most important thing that has ever happened in the history of the world ever is that they released to the public the names of these blessed children:

Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.

Not too shabby in my opinion. I mean, I actually like these names, as do I like the names of the rest of their international soccer team.

But the Jolie-Pitt twins' names bring to light other celebrity children who aren't as lucky. And by that I mean they have idiotic celebrity parents who give them names like Rainbow Sorbet Lilypad and Zorak. Take Nicholas Cage, for example. He named his child Kal-el, which is Superman's real name.

Yeah, I don't care how much money and fame Daddy has. That kid is getting beat up.

Just what is up with celebrities feeling the need to name their kids horrendous names? I mean, come on. Why not just name them "My Parents Hate Me." I understand celebs have to keep up with the latest trends, but honestly, they should really draw the line at destroying an infant's life just to keep up with the Joneses.

But at least it gives us something to laugh at . And so here is a list compiled by VH1 of the wackiest baby names our cuckoo celebrities can come up with:

Parent: Actress Shannyn Sossamon
Birth date: May 29, 2003

Parents: Actress Rachel Griffiths & husband Andrew Taylor
Birth date: November 22, 2003

Parents: Singer Toni Braxton & husband Keri Lewis
Birth date: December 2, 2001
Wacky named sibling: Diezel

Parents: UK TV personality Anna Ryder Richardson & husband Colin MacDougall
Birth Date: April 7, 2003
Wacky named sibling: Bibi Belle

Parents: Live Aid founder Bob Geldof & UK TV personality Paula Yates
Birth date: March 31, 1983
Wacky named siblings: Pixie & Peaches Honeyblossom

Parents: Rapper Lil' Mo & husband Al Stone
Birth Date: February 24, 2005
Wacky named sibling: Heaven

Parents: Singer Jermaine Jackson & now ex-wife Alejandra
Birth date: 2000

Parents: Actress Julia Roberts & Camera man husband Danny Moder
Birth Date: November 28, 2004

Parents: Actor Jason Lee & girlfriend Beth Riesgraf
Birth date: September 28, 2003

Parents: Korn frontman Jonathan Davis & porn star wife Deven Davis
Birth date: March 18, 2005

Parents: TV Chef Jamie Oliver and wife Julie Oliver
Birth date: March 18, 2002
Wacky named sibling: Daisy Boo

Parent: Singer Erykah Badu
Birth date: July 5, 2004
Wacky named sibling: Seven

Parents: Director Robert Rodriguez & wife Elizabeth Avellan
Wacky named siblings: Racer, Rocket, & Rogue

Parents: Actor Ving Rhames & wife Deborah Reed
Birth date: September 21, 2000
Wacky named sibling: Freedom

Parents: Duran Duran frontman Simon Le Bon & wife Yasmin Parvaneh
Birth Date: September 25, 1991
Wacky named siblings: Amber Rose & Tallulah Pine