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Torturing celebrity babies via idiotic names
By AprillBrandon in Pop Goes the Culture
July 14, 2008

Forget the fact that the world is heading to hell in a basket, ladies and gentlemen. None of that matters anymore since the most important thing that has ever happened in the history of the world ever has happened.

Angelina Jolie finally gave birth to her twins. W00t!

And of course, the second most important thing that has ever happened in the history of the world ever is that they released to the public the names of these blessed children:

Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.

Not too shabby in my opinion. I mean, I actually like these names, as do I like the names of the rest of their international soccer team.

But the Jolie-Pitt twins' names bring to light other celebrity children who aren't as lucky. And by that I mean they have idiotic celebrity parents who give them names like Rainbow Sorbet Lilypad and Zorak. Take Nicholas Cage, for example. He named his child Kal-el, which is Superman's real name.

Yeah, I don't care how much money and fame Daddy has. That kid is getting beat up.

Just what is up with celebrities feeling the need to name their kids horrendous names? I mean, come on. Why not just name them "My Parents Hate Me." I understand celebs have to keep up with the latest trends, but honestly, they should really draw the line at destroying an infant's life just to keep up with the Joneses.

But at least it gives us something to laugh at . And so here is a list compiled by VH1 of the wackiest baby names our cuckoo celebrities can come up with:

AUDIO SCIENCE
Parent: Actress Shannyn Sossamon
Birth date: May 29, 2003

BANJO
Parents: Actress Rachel Griffiths & husband Andrew Taylor
Birth date: November 22, 2003

DENIM
Parents: Singer Toni Braxton & husband Keri Lewis
Birth date: December 2, 2001
Wacky named sibling: Diezel

DIXIE DOT
Parents: UK TV personality Anna Ryder Richardson & husband Colin MacDougall
Birth Date: April 7, 2003
Wacky named sibling: Bibi Belle

FIFI TRIXIBELL
Parents: Live Aid founder Bob Geldof & UK TV personality Paula Yates
Birth date: March 31, 1983
Wacky named siblings: Pixie & Peaches Honeyblossom

GOD'ISS LOVE STONE
Parents: Rapper Lil' Mo & husband Al Stone
Birth Date: February 24, 2005
Wacky named sibling: Heaven

JERMAJESTY
Parents: Singer Jermaine Jackson & now ex-wife Alejandra
Birth date: 2000

PHINNEUS & HAZEL
Parents: Actress Julia Roberts & Camera man husband Danny Moder
Birth Date: November 28, 2004

PILOT INSPEKTOR
Parents: Actor Jason Lee & girlfriend Beth Riesgraf
Birth date: September 28, 2003

PIRATE
Parents: Korn frontman Jonathan Davis & porn star wife Deven Davis
Birth date: March 18, 2005

POPPY HONEY
Parents: TV Chef Jamie Oliver and wife Julie Oliver
Birth date: March 18, 2002
Wacky named sibling: Daisy Boo

PUMA
Parent: Singer Erykah Badu
Birth date: July 5, 2004
Wacky named sibling: Seven

REBEL
Parents: Director Robert Rodriguez & wife Elizabeth Avellan
Wacky named siblings: Racer, Rocket, & Rogue

REIGN BEAU
Parents: Actor Ving Rhames & wife Deborah Reed
Birth date: September 21, 2000
Wacky named sibling: Freedom

SAFFRON SAHARA
Parents: Duran Duran frontman Simon Le Bon & wife Yasmin Parvaneh
Birth Date: September 25, 1991
Wacky named siblings: Amber Rose & Tallulah Pine

Comments


  • freethinker freethinker Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    I'm going to the love-in to sit and play my bongos in the dirt........

    July 16, 2008 at 6:49 a.m.

  • Riverboat Riverboat Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    Pilot beat me to the Zappa names, But what else would you expect from someone who composed classics such as We're Only In It For the Money, Weasels Ripped My Flesh and Burnt Weenie Sandwich. All of which I'm a proud owner, by the way,
    If you want more more ridiculous names, turn to the Police Blotter.

    July 15, 2008 at 2:01 a.m.

  • Dejasmom Dejasmom Report a ViolationReport a Violation
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    I love celebrity baby names. Makes me feel better about my govment name. LOL. My fave celebrity name is Seven, the son of Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 of Outkast. It's got to be like the ol' who's on first routine every time he gets introduced. "Hi, I'm Seven." "You're kinda big for 7, aren't ya? What's your name boy?" "Seven." "Yeah, I got that. You're 7. But what's your name?" Hehehe
    It also reminds me of, gulp, Dude where's my car? "what's mine say?" "Sweet!" "I know it's sweet, but what does mine say?" "SWEET!" God help me, I laughed my butt off at that movie. stupid humor gets me almost every time.

    July 14, 2008 at 11:58 p.m.