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Holy hot pink convertible! Barbie scored her own movie!
By AprillBrandon in Pop Goes the Culture
September 30, 2009

She's had every job imaginable, save for one. But that's all about to be rectified.

Barbie, that leggy blonde with the stiff joints we all know and love, is getting her own live-action movie.

So take that, G.I. Joe.

There has yet to be any script, director or actors attached to the film. And as such, I'd like to pitch a few ideas myself considering the majority of my life from 1984 to 1989 was spent torturing Barbie with bad homemade haircuts and forcing her to ride around on my cat (neither of which I'm sure appreciated it).

Script idea 1: Barbie quits her 506 jobs, marries Ken, and gains 50 pounds from sitting around and eating bon-bons all day. Oh sure, it'd be a boring and depressing movie, but it would justify my life.

Script idea 2: Barbie finally dumps that loser Ken who refuses to put a ring on it and runs off with Stretch Armstrong.

Script idea 3: Barbie finally cracks under the pressure of juggling her 506 jobs and gets sent to the loony bin where she meets a colorful cast of characters that teach her "the true meaning of life." Hmm...and I'll throw in some zombies and ninjas as a subplot just in case the pace of the movie is too slow.

Well, Hollywood. I will be awaiting your call.