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If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris
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Why today is not a national holiday is a travesty. I mean, we can celebrate Columbus, a man with a horrible sense of direction, and yet, we can't take one day of the year to celebrate the greatest living human being in the U.S? Wait, no, scratch that. The greatest living human being on the planet?!
Nay! Any planet!!!
Well, it just goes to show you how close this world is to crumbling into mass chaos when we can't even pay proper homage to the universe's greatest man.
In case you didn't know (in which case, I'd be preparing for a roundhouse kick to the face right about now), today is Chuck Norris' birthday. Mr. Walker, Texas Ranger is now, believe it or not, a whooping 70-years-old.
And so, me being the respectful servant of Mr. Norris (because in case you didn't know it, we are all his servants...this is his world, he just allows us to be in it), I have compiled some of the greatest Chuck Norris facts there are, courtesy of ChuckNorrisFacts.com.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
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When an episode of "Walker Texas Ranger" was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Chuck Norris is the only person who can actually e-mail a roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris knows the exact location of Carmen SanDiego. Chuck Norris is also the reason Waldo is hiding.
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When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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If, by some incredible space time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
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When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
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Follow AprillBrandon
Comments
The title of your post alone made me laugh a lot.
Out of all of those on the list, I really laughed at: "Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is."
It's just... funny to me for some reason. Ya know... with all this Chuck Norris stuff, I still don't really know much about him. Was it a show? WTH? I never even heard of Chuck Norris until I moved to Texas (or met Katrina, can't remember).
Before you judge me... I'M MEXICAN! Come on! As the movie Selena would say... Being Mexican-American is EXHAUSTING! You have to be informed about American and Mexican culture!
March 26, 2010 at 9:43 a.m.www.jacklalanne.com He was born in 1924 in San Francisco and is still alive.
March 12, 2010 at 12:20 a.m.Flounder, you focus in on the wierdest stuff. Keep convincing yourself. My sweet "young thang" neighbor just lost her 70+ hub. Now, she is 48 and lost. Same thing happened to my cousin. I would rather die around the same time my love did. At least in the same decade!
March 11, 2010 at 10:27 a.m.Oh, you're not old, coolgranny. I've heard and even watched episodes of "Knight Rider" and the original "Dukes of Hazzard" (albeit they were reruns). Alas, sadly, I have not heard of Jack LaLanne, but I Googled him. Does that count? Lol.
March 11, 2010 at 10:23 a.m.Freethinker, are you sure LeLanne is still alive? I live in a retirement community and several are approaching 90 without the workouts. lol More power to Jack if he is still breathing.
March 11, 2010 at 10:23 a.m.I think Jack LaLanne is still alive. He must be in his 90's.
March 11, 2010 at 10:19 a.m.Dang, you make me so old, April. I never watched the guy, but the boys thought the kung fu king was cool. I am the McGyver type. Please tell me you have heard of him even if I probably spelled it incorrectly. Knight rider?? Dukes of Hazard??? Turtles,not the rock band??????He looks like any other 70 year old who works out every day and makes his living looking in the mirror. I think even Jack Lelane died; please tell me you have heard of him.
March 11, 2010 at 9:58 a.m.CHUCKLE.
March 10, 2010 at 11:48 p.m.The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris actually died three years ago. The Grim Reaper is just afraid to show up.
March 10, 2010 at 9:23 p.m.