Blogs » Pop Goes the Culture » "My Immortal"...The worst Harry Potter fan fiction of all time

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With a phenomenon as big as Harry Potter, the fact that the Muggle Internet is filled with fan fiction based on the series should surprise no one. And with all that fan fiction out there, if one is pretty much universally considered the worst Harry Potter fanfic of all time, it has to be EPICALLY bad.

Such is the case with "My Immortal" by Tara Gilesbie, which is about a Gothic teenage vampire girl who attends Hogwarts school. The story (or considering its length, perhaps novel is a better word), became so well-known for being bad that there is actually an entire Web site devoted to it and that has the story's contents reprinted in full.

Just to give you a taste of the story, here are some excerpts:

Excerpt from Chapter 1 Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee. I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major [very bad word] hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.

Excerpt from Chapter 23 The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us. “MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. “Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!” Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B’loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup.

Excerpt from Chapter 44 (oh yes, 44) “Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz………….Snape!!!!! “I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”

I don't want to spoil the ending for you, so I'll stop there. But should you want to read "My Immortal" in its entirety, go to http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/

Be forewarned: There is profanity and mega-adult themes (and if you easily get nauseous, skip it altogether considering this chick brutally murders in graphic detail the English language).