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A few months ago, I was reading one of those celebrity gossip rags, and I came across something that's been nagging at me ever since I read it.

Adam Sandler had just purchased a $13 million manse. Cameron Diaz had also purchased an abode of her own for around $2.7 million. Apparently, Cameron's "cheap" because she didn't splurge on a more expensive estate. With her "tiny" 2,800-square-foot home, I would suppose that she shops at the local Dollar General. With coupons. Or at least that's what these tabloid dealers would have you believe.

Since when was shelling out $2.7 million dollars on a house considered frugal?

The author of this particular article that I was irritated by insinuates that an actress who makes $20 million per movie should consider being a bit more liberal with her money. Did this author ever think that maybe Cameron was being at least somewhat realistic and perhaps minimalistic?

Come on.

She is not married and has no kids. Even is she was married and had kids, what would she need a bigger house for? I commend her for not indulging in (as many of) the excesses of Hollywood as her colleagues frequently do. Props to my gal. It makes me like her even more.

I'll go one further, however. If I were well off, I wouldn't even need a $2.7 million, 2,800-square-foot home. Give me a smaller home (around 1,800 square feet or so) in a prime location, and I'm set. I'm a very low-maintenance girl, you see, and proud of it. All I request is that my home be made out of stone, cement, metal, wood and glass. No bricks, no carpet, no Sheetrock, and probably not even any tile. I see myself in a rustic, open environment with lots of glass and breathtaking views. Forget about spaceĀ—I'll be traveling too much to want or need it.

The problem for me comes with the cars. Oh, the cars. Yes, you see, here we have a very different situation. I would have a plentiful stable of euphoria-inducing automobiles. Small house. HUGE shop.

There's the '66 Corvette with a ground-pounding 454 parked right next to the Chevelle wagon. Also, check out my Mustang section, complete with one V-8 model from each production year (except for those uninspiring Mustang II's). There's also my BMW 750 Ci, my Ferrari 550 Maranello, and my Mini Cooper S convertible. I also cherish my Harley V-Rod and my collection of Nissan/Datsun Z Cars. Oh yes, of course I have the new 350 ZR! I musn't forget to show you my Lincoln Blackwood truck or my Hummer. And then there's my '72 Monte Carlo, and my....

That loud, obnoxious sound you hear is me crashing back down to Earth...

In all, no big house for me. Not even if I were Donald Trump. Nope. I would possibly consider owning a few smaller houses in varying locales, but I would never own one huge manse. Why? Because I will not have that sort of ostentatious excess in my life. I refuse. I couldn't let that bury itself in my otherwise clean conscience.

Besides, I'd be too busy painting the town black. With rubber.