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Card Games and Friends
By coolgranny in The Paradox of Long Lives
November 13, 2009

Sometimes life deals us cards from a stacked deck. No matter how carefully the cards are played out, the results leave us frustrated and without answers. Eventually, the unsettling feelings lead us to believe that this particular hand should have just been folded.

I find myself in a quandary like this with friends from my past. Friends that disappeared for very long periods of time and then reappear only to keep me frustrated. The frustrations are my fault as I have a tendency to root for the underdog, continue to encourage, and just keep praying. I also worry when I sense inconsistencies in areas of the lives they lead. This sixth sense isn't limited to renewed relationships. I also know when my sons are not quite telling it like it is. My husband has this perfected I am not lying look, and I want to put a Tricky Dick mask on his face every time I see it. My real problem is my inability to just let it go. If I stay medicated, most of life just slides off like water on a duck's back. However, when medicated I miss sometimes life threatening clues, and that worries me. This is the doctor's reason for keeping me medicated. I can't rescue everyone in my life. My more than generous hub would let me, but then who would rescue us when we are old and grey?

Yesterday, I forgot my meds, and hub and I had the same fight we have had for 29 years now. Both of our families are dysfunctional in all kinds of ways, and so are we. My point is why waste valuable energy even discussing it. We have to simply deal with the fact "that is just the way it is." After 29 years it should be a laughing matter at this point. I absolutely hate rehashing something that is never, never going to change except to get worse. I will handle the worst case scenarios when and if they happen. I refuse to arrange my life to let circumstances over which I have no control dictate my feelings for even a moment. I was so glad to escape to my bunco group last night. The hub was just in a bash the world kind of mood, and I look around at our lives and see nothing but blessings: my boys and their families, a cute house, friends, savings, job, plans, dreams, and finally a future we can agree on. I may trip occasionally on a crack in the sidewalk (family issues)but my hub seems to just fall down instead of regaining his footing. I just refuse to cash out because someone creates a little chaos in my peaceful world. Hub would rather escape when it comes to my family. I choose to laugh at the illogical foibles and how they play out. I look at his family the same way. I choose to laugh at their approaches to life as comic relief. Nothing seems to change and it never will. I find comfort in the fact that certain areas of my life are completely stable, even if all the characters are personal nut jobs. Even though most are wing nuts, I am still the bolt that can hold the mess together. Most importantly, I still have fun playing cards with my family, and his family, and my friends. I just can't take the losses too seriously. There is a story behind this and I will write it someday. Right now, I just have to vent.