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The Story Behind It.....
By coolgranny in The Paradox of Long Lives
November 13, 2009

I finally have a handle on my emotions to be able to write a reasonably coherent account of one of my typical days. Unfortunately, this is really a typical scenario, so the names have been changed to protect the innocent.....I woke up thinking, great a day without demands, one I can plan for myself, hit the gym, catch up on the daily junk, get ahead of the mail, drink coffee, chat with my buds, and just chill. 7:15 AM, the phone rings. Houston, we have a problem. We didn't realize that neck surgery was such a serious procedure. The doc says that it would be a bad idea for me to ride to Victoria in the truck while pulling the RV.

My first question, where are you? Sister, I am at the hospital in Clear Lake. Can you come get me, and take me to Wharton where mom will meet us and take me home. Hub can take the RV back and we should all get home about the same time. Sis, you do realize that mom hasn't been any further than the local HEB in two years....remember the emergency carotid artery surgery...and the declining eyesight and black outs because she forgets to take her meds. Older sis, I already called her and she is happy to get out of the house. Call her back. I will take you to Edna...I drive this turn around all of the time. No, brother or little sis will come with her. She won't get lost. Bad idea, but for the sake of saving time, I will be there in an hour.

Dutiful person that I am, I make the trip and sis and I wait at the Whataburger in Wharton. I wanted to wait at Hinze's, but was afraid my mom would get rear ended trying to slow up way down the road, so she would have time to turn in and wouldn't pass it up. After I saw my mom's Buick going about 15 mph on the off ramp and an 18 wheeler on her tail, I decided to never let my family members make decisions again, ever. I was further convinced when I saw her turn to the left toward the red and white end of road signs instead of just following the road to Whataburger. She came so close to being killed, I just thanked the truck driver when I was finally able to leave. He said he saw that she was driving a bit slow for a major highway, and took no chances. He said he was convinced that he made the right decision when he saw her swerve left.

Why did she turn left? Why did she park an inch away from a car in the parking lot? The mirrors touched. I carefully backed her car out and parked the normal distance between the yellow lines. I was told that I didn't need to do that; she had plenty of room to get out on her side. What if the other people needed to leave? I would have moved my car.....and on it goes.

Now folks, sometimes my real life is a Jeff Foxworthy redneck skit. I asked mom why she turned left into the dead end. Her reason was because the trucker scared her and she just wanted to get out of his way. She knew she turned left, and that gave her time to let him pass her up. I asked where one of my other siblings were. She said she didn't need help driving 60 miles on a straight highway. I asked why it took her almost 2 hours to get to Wharton. She explained that she went to my brothers first, and then remembered that she was supposed to meet me in Wharton. This would add an additional 15 minutes, but you guessed it, she took a wrong turn on one of those country roads, and why don't they have signs to get you back to the highway.........I was so thankful that I had downed a mother's little helper before listening to these explanations and tirades of why the world isn't made just for me comments.

My first clue as to the outcome of the day should have been when I picked up my sister at the hospital. She happily told me that her neck in the brace didn't hurt at all, and while she was waiting for her dismissal, she went to the vending machines and ate 2 ice creams, a coke, and several packages of cookies. Then, they brought breakfast and she ate every bit of that too. Yep, major case of the munchies. My sister was totally stoned from the effects of the anesthesia. All of the days activities had been decided while she was out of her mind. She is the sanest one of the bunch, so dear readers, I think it is obvious who will be first in line for the loony bin. It is the only way I will be able to escape. I've already made hub promise to find one that will let me weave baskets.

I vented on my blog because my husband made fun of the whole situation and told me to basically abandon my family because they are all nuts. I told him when he did the same, I would leave the continent with him. My BFF wasn't home, and nobody, nobody would even respond on my chatlines except my bible group. I asked them to pray for me, but what I really wanted to do was just gripe. Maybe, it is time to up my meds again.