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85 and Still Alive By coolgranny in The Paradox of Long Lives October 7, 2009

"Now, I need a high five." My mother-in-law has always been one strong woman. Sometimes, her strength has made it hard for me to tolerate her for lengthy periods of time. I know this is true because I am a strong Type A personality, and most of the time, it's my way or the highway. I don't even blame it on hormones. Most of life can be handled with logic and timing and pure honesty. The pure honesty can become the real deal breaker because sometimes people just like to be lied to, so they can argue.

We celebrated her life this weekend, and I have been sick ever since. I never eat fried foods, and was forced to do so as part of the celebration. Hopefully, the hub has learned, and we will choose the restaurant next time, but probably not. I have learned three things from my mother-in-law: #1 What kind of mother-in-law I never want to be. #2 Love my kids unconditionally. #3 Treat my kids equally, no matter what. As I argued and fought with this family, who just drowned me in their lifestyle, I matured. I reminded myself to raise my sons to be great husbands. They would make mistakes, but if the mistakes had the family's welfare in mind, so be it. I also learned to really listen to my daughter-in-laws. In the 29 years I have known this woman, I have never finished a sentence. Before I could ever finish my thought, comment, opinion, whatever, she changed the subject. I have just learned to keep my distance and ignore a lot.

As she was reading the paper, she came upon her horoscope for the day. I never look at this stuff but was amused at how the Lord used evil for good that quiet morning. The paragraph basically described a very selfish, overbearing, basically mean person. She sat there very hurt as I sat there stunned. I indicated that maybe she and I needed to start being nicer to her middle child and my husband. I didn't bring up the real hurts that I got to endure over the years. I realized that I was mirroring her when I would take out frustrations from her on to my husband. I was in fact as guilty as she was. I personally don't want to sacrifice my husband because of my MIL.

I witnessed years of verbal abuse in that laughing sarcasm that many master by age 25. My hub was more or less her verbal whipping post when her life just didn't turn out how she planned it. There was never to be a divorce in the family. The boys should have never married divorced women, and no one should have ever gotten in trouble with the law. My hub has mastered the art of avoidance, and that is a good thing. I am learning from him as well.

My sweet mom has always been the nicest person alive except for one major flaw. She is an enabler. I never needed this enabling, so the psychological symbiosis that goes with it never affected me. When she passes away, I will inherit her nightmare and deal with it then. My way of course! My mom is now getting as mean as my MIL, and it is really hard to be around her. I just pray that I don't turn out the same way. Yep, the patience word is used a lot in my prayer life.

The weekend really was a celebration of her life and except for those awkward few minutes, all was happy. We gave her two cards. One was the seriously sweet 85 card, and one stated how I really feel about life. Happy Birthday was on the outside with my hand written note, "Because the other one is just too quiet." When she opened it, it played the Mac-arena and said "Dance like no body's watching." The card became the fav toy for the blond grand during the afternoon. I just had to get her in there somewhere. Wiggle butt definitely describes babies and the dance instructors!!!Coolgranny and great grand were just practicing for the next wedding. LOL

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