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Cycles of Life
By coolgranny in The Paradox of Long Lives
September 12, 2009

I have figured out that I have finally entered the objective cycle of my life. I try not to judge, but I am honest enough to admit that I do on occasion. The longer I live, the more I see God's hand in and out of the daily routine. My friend and I were discussing my role in life, and I told her that I have finally submitted to God in a role that I truly detest-I call myself "the handler." Almost everyone in my family expects me to handle their wants, needs, estates, etc. I am so ADHD, I sometimes wonder why that is so. Maybe God made me this way because it allows me to just switch gears as necessary. I find that the more stuff piles up in my life, the stronger I become. I admit that this is the last area of my life of submission, and I have gone through it kicking and screaming and constantly telling God to just leave me alone. I really missed Him when He left me alone, and then I would find myself crying out to the Lord, and He would just embrace me as the sinless woman He sees through the blood of Christ.

Occasionally, scriptures lead me to men and women of the bible who submitted to his will. Some of them were just like me: not capable, not interested, scared, not in fellowship when called, questioners-why me, please find someone else, and the list just goes on and on.

I have found that I have a very peaceful feeling in my life because I am allowing myself to totally let God handle the details. I don't always agree, but I find myself arguing a lot less. I find that my attentions seem to focus on right now. I don't know why that is. I have always been a planner.

My high school annual had all kinds of comments about the success I would have in life. I am successful, but not without the tears of failure along the way. God has lifted me out of the pit of sadness so many times. He's led me to doctors who were Christians like me. Together, we have worked through the really sad times. When I objectively look at my life, I realize that God gave me gifts that would not only take me through the fires of this world, but help me put them out as well.

It has taken me years to just relax. The more I submit, the more I relax and remember to rejoice. I don't know what my future holds, but I accept whatever becomes of it. For a control freak, I have come a long way, baby, and I realized that God is truly in control.