Blogs » Thinking out loud » Mistakes, A dad and his daughter.

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I have learned over these past few months that you can't change mistakes that you have made in your life, you can only learn from them and don't make them again. I have been talking to my daughter for almost a year now, which is kind of amazing since we haven't spoken in 16 years, and it has it's ups and downs. My mistakes that I made were no excuse for not being there for her all this time. It was stupid reasons that kept me away and let somebody else step in and be a dad to my baby. They did a great job, but I'm kicking myself for not being there to do that myself. She turned out to be a very smart, beautiful young lady. I am now finding myself having to make up for 16 years of not being there. It's hard to step in now after all this time and hope to be accepted as her dad, which is all I could hope for. I'm not a person that is scared of much but this girl scares me to death because I'm not sure if she will love me as her dad or resent me because I was the person who wasn't there for her all these years. My mistakes were letting somebody else rule my life and keep her from me. But I could list every reason why I was not around and did not fight a little harder to be there for her, but that is still no excuse for not being a dad to my daughter. She never knew the person that she called her dad wasn't her dad at all and she found out the hard way, which I can only imagine how hard that is on a 16 year old. I've always kept tabs on her one way or another but that's not enough. I don't know if she will love me or resent me....

I just wish I could tell her that I wanted to hold her in my arms since the day she was born, be there every time she was hurt, fixed every bump, bruise, skinned knee, chased every monster out from under her bed and out of her closet and been there every time she cried. Mistakes are mistakes and can't be changed, only learned from....That's what makes us human.

Now the update, this was written by me several months ago when my daughter found out she had another dad, we have had our ups and downs, but for the most part its been great. We talk everyday but haven't met face to face, which I know can be scary for her. Friday I received a phone call from her asking me if I would like to come watch her play volleyball and of course I jumped at the chance. After watching the game I waited outside and to my surprise I had my beautiful daughter almost tackle me with a hug and kiss. She has finally found it in her heart to forgive and forget and she realized, after her step dad explained to her that her mom kept me away, that she wanted me to be part of her life. That first hug.....I can't explain the feeling of it but I know I'll never forget it. My wife laughs and says I have a permanent smile on my face. This was just something I felt like writing about today.