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My Cousins, My Universe By SugarMagnolia in Touch of Grey May 27, 2008

Where does the time go?? My "little" cousin, Coby, is graduating high school this Friday. I truly cannot believe it. He looks like he could well be in college, maybe even a college graduate, because of his size and maturity, but I can still see the little boy in his eyes, and remember when he was truly my "little cuz".

Because I am an only child, I consider my cousins (all boys but one, and I will get to that later) to be the brothers I never had. I have the fortune of being the oldest, but that double-edged sword means that I not only get to watch them grow, but grow UP and AWAY sometimes. I see them entering their teens, twenties, and even thirties, with failures and successes along the way, knowing that their hearts will get broken, they will feel rejection in one form or another, they will think themselves more mature than they are at that moment (don't we all?). No advice or wishing on my part can save them from all that turbulence; I realize it is something we all have to go through to come out (mostly) intact on the other side. How then, to tell my little cousins, "I love you, I want to protect you, I want to cherish these years, for we will never pass this way again?" The only way I know how is to let them see themselves through my eyes, the way I see them. So for my cousins, this is for you.

Jason Alexander, you are my heart. You are the next-oldest cousin after me, and you are the closest thing I have ever had to a brother. I have watched you grow into a young man who has charted his own destiny, with a few detours along the way. You have brought me joy, pain, and indescribable love with everything that you do. You have a heart of gold, and no matter how many obstacles you have come against, you have never lost that, and you have never lost yourself. You will also never lose the love of all of your family. I will always treasure the sweet boy you were and the loving husband and father you are now. There is something intangible that joins us, and no matter where you are, I know I will always carry a part of you in my heart. You are the moon to me, ever changing through your phases, sometimes bright and full, sometimes dark and mysterious. But, like the moon, you are always there, sometimes out of sight, but nevertheless a constant presence in my life.

Albert Pike, you are the next in line. You have given me the surprise of my life as you worked through your rebellion to become a fine family man with a wife and two sons, and a responsible, fulfilling career. You still have your mischievous ways, but they just add to the charm that is you. Your sense of humor, your lighthearted approach to life, and the joy I see in your eyes as you now watch your own sons grow make me smile whenever I am around you. I see so much of you in your sons that I think, yep, they're gonna be Pike 2.0, a newer version, but not necessarily improved. How can you improve on the original? You are like a cloud in the sky, always unique, and never duplicated. Sometimes you may float above me, but you always make time to give me that hug, to ask how I'm doing, and to tell me you love me. The feeling is always mutual.

Ric Allen, you are the fourth in line. You have a spirit that is indomitable and contagious. You picked up on poker quicker than I did, and were soon playing circles around me, putting me to shame. You are smarter than anyone gives you credit for, and that includes yourself. I don't think you have any clue of the things you are capable of, and my wish for you is that you fulfill someday the great potential that you possess. I know that right now, you are smack dab in middle of living your life; your desires are that of a twenty-something and you don't have time to plan or to think too much about tomorrow. Believe me, I was there. Once all that is gone, though, I hope that you turn your thoughts toward the future, and you accomplish all that you set out to do. I wish that you would set your goals as high as possible, for the old saying goes "Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you will land among the stars." I will enjoy watching you fulfill your dreams and goals in the next few years, and even though you now tower above me and call me "little cuz", I will always be the older one, and maybe you should listen to your older cuz sometimes. She might even know what she's talking about, although I know you don't want to hear that right now. You are like a meteor to me, erratic and sometimes on a collision course with yourself, but you know what happens to meteors when they fall back down toward the Earth, to become a little more "grounded" as it were? They turn into fiery balls that glow brighter than ever, sometimes giving off red, blue, yellow lights as they become what they were always destined to become. And the impact they leave in the ground when they finally land? WOW. My little cuz, I can't wait to see you become that fiery kaliedoscope in the sky. I know you will shine brighter than anyone thought possible.

Coby Lee, the graduate. The classic middle child, caught between Pike and Tate, always searching for your own identity, your own trail to blaze. Well, my dear cousin, it looks like you have found it. I couldn't be any prouder of you. You have become quite a force to be reckoned with, Mr. Most Valuable Lineman on the New Waverly Bulldogs football team. You are why I am typing in this color, the color of your team which you hold so dear, and they in return seem to think the world of you. As you contemplate which college to attend, your goals of majoring in education and coaching seem to have not been a hard decision for you. I can't think of anything else that suits you better. One day, when you are coach of the year, leading your team (will it be high school? college? the pros? only time will tell) to victory after victory, we will be able to say, we knew you when. And we will be as proud of you as we are right now. You now know who you are and what you were destined to do. I was not that mature at eighteen. You have surprised, pleased, and impressed all of your family who have watched you become a real star. That's what you are, you know. Like a star in my universe, you shine so brightly and give a glow that is one now of confidence. You are the most beautiful star up there, Coby. Your "little" cousin is forever proud of you.

And now for the youngest, Nicholas Tate, or just plain "Tate" if you will. Although with your flame red hair and outsize  personality, there is nothing plain about you. You have come on strong from the day you were born. Never like the others, you have stood apart and been your own child, and now teenager. (Wait, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the concept of you being a teenager). You are like a force of nature, a true flash of brilliance, like the sun. Sometimes you shine so brightly, you dare to eclipse all that is around you. I feel confident that you will someday turn all that brilliance and force of yours into something remarkable.  Your love of baseball makes you a true boy of summer to me, and this seems to be the season where you really come alive. After all, the sun shines hottest in the summertime. What awaits you after this summer, and the next, and the next? As John Lennon says, "I guess we'll both just have to be patient, cause it's a long way to go, and a hard row to hoe", beautiful boy. So keep shining like the very sun itself, and don't let anyone dim those bright ideas of yours. You will get there someday.

Looking at all this, one might be inclined to think that I am the only girl. One would be wrong. I found out a about a year ago that there is another cousin, a girl, that I never knew about. I have yet to meet her, but I know that will be forthcoming. Her name is Tara Annette, and she lives in California. She has always been a part of our family, unbeknownst to me, but is now more a part than before. I know she is beautiful; she looks so much like her mom, with her blond hair and a smile that can light up a room. I look forward to seeing her soon, and to say "I missed you but never knew it!" And to the day that I no longer know her just from photographs. What position will she take in my universe? Only time will tell, but I know she will be as important to me as all my other cousins. I will love her as much, but no matter how she tries, I will still be the oldest. A blessing or a curse? A little of both, I think. And something I wouldn't trade for the world.

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