Newsletter
Entries for May, 2011 in UNCLE HISTORY
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By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 31, 1485: A group of Europe's most powerful entities including the pope, Spain's Ferdinand and Isabella, and Emperor Maximilian sign an agreement to join forces as an anti-French league. The group was similar to the Justice League, except that ...
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Sometimes it's safer to apologize
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 30, 1806: Andrew Jackson duels with Charles Dickinson after Dickinson talked smack about Jackson's wife. Before Dickinson could fire, Jackson sunk his fangs into Dickinson's skull. Frantic, Dickinson ran through the woods, flailing his arms and ramming into trees ...
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Warning: the image for this has been censored
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 29, 1911: Cars race in the Indianapolis 500 for the first time. Before cars, the race was run with trains. While watching trains run in circles for 500 miles isn't that exciting, the wrecks were freakin' awesome. PS, the ...
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By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 27, 1961: Getting stoned goes to the next level as blacklights go on sale for the first time. To see more Uncle History, CLICK HERE
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By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 26, 1896: Nicholas II of Russia is crowned czar. After his coronation, Nicholas told friends, "Yeah, being czar will be cool. We'll party, meet chicks. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" Wanna see more of the Uncle? ...
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Di-dit-di-dit-di-dit-di-di-dit...
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 24, 1844: Samuel Morse amazes members of Congress when he sends the telegraph message "What hath God wrought" from the Capitol to a train station in Baltimore. A few minutes later, Morse receives the now-famous reply, "Leave me alone." ...
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Fozzie Bear, the first eco-terrorist
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 25, 1975: The government declares the grizzly bear a "threatened" species. The bears celebrate the news by eating people. To see more of Uncle History, CLICK HERE
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Nothing is better for thee, than me
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 23, 1785: Benjamin Franklin announces he has invented bifocals. It is one of a number of spurious claims by Franklin, who also took credit for the pot-belly stove, teeth, pork-n-beans, fish and a golem named George Washington. He also ...
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The world according to Moe, Larry and Curly
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 22, 1570: The first atlas is published. However, modern cartographers believe that the authors were actually just f*cking with people. This is evidenced by names such as "Imadethisupistan," "Bigboobyland," "Cannibaltown" and "Spankovania." To see more Uncle History, CLICK HERE
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Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? A. The Army.
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 21, 1927: Relying on a questionable sense of direction and a poor knowledge of geography, Charles Lindbergh flies across the Atlantic and lands in Paris. In a telegraph home, Lindbergh expresses surprise that everyone in Oklahoma speaks French. Vous ...
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WARNING: This image was censored by NASA
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 20, 1916: Norman Rockwell's first Saturday Evening Post cover published. It was of a drunk teenager flipping off the canvas. 1990: The Hubble telescope sends back its first photos. They were of a drunken teenager flipping off the camera. ...
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I said SMOKE that cigarette, you stupid monkey!!!
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 19, 1884: Ringling Brothers Circus gives its first performance. It was a sad affair with the only entertainment provided by a guy would run in circles until he fell down, a smoking monkey with a bad cough, a mangy ...
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A Republican breaks his promise
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 18, 1860: The Republican Party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president. Lincoln promises that, as president, he would: End slavery; Personally put a stop to Andrew Jackson's reign of terror; Conquer and eat the moon; Always carry a "whacking" shovel ...
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Rock and Roll is the Devil's Playground
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 17, 1965: After more than a year of investigations, the FBI Laboratory had concluded that lyrics of the song "Louie Louie" were "unintelligible at any speed" and did not contain anything pornographic. The only lyrics FBI researchers were able ...
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By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 16, 1868: President Andrew Johnson is acquited of impeachment charges in the Senate by one vote. The House had voted to impeach Johnson on charges of "doing stuff what's pissed us off," "consistent, inappropriate scratching in mixed company" and ...
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Give me real cheese or give me death!
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 15, 1492: The peasant Bread and Cheese Revolt comes to an end in Holland. The peasants rebelled because no one, no one, should have to eat soggy white bread and slices of processed cheese food. Want to see more ...
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Play That Funky Music White Pope!
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 14, 1973: Bootsy Collins emerges from Poland's White Wilderness forrest (Puszcza Biala). The funk bass master had spent three harrowing days lost in the forrest, forced to battle a terrifying race of Elk Men. Finally, Bootsy stumbles upon a ...
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Hey Grandpa, what's for supper?
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 13, 1940: Winston Churchill announces that "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat," leaving his dinner guests wishing they hadn't come. There's plenty more vittles at unclehistory.com
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By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 12, 1215: A group of English barons give King John I an ultimatum, leading to the Magna Carta. The demands were: Shut about being king already. No, you cannot stay at my house. Get a job. You suck, you ...
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How the Cold War could have been won
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 11, 1997: Chess Grandmaster Gary Kasparov loses to IBM's Deep Blue computer. The match appeared to be a win in three moves for Kasparov until Deep Blue notified the Russian that his shoes were untied. Uncle History has more ...
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Comfortable panties: Why they are so important for our national security
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 10, 1924: J. Edgar Hoover is appointed as director of the FBI. President Calvin Coolidge's long, rambling monotone during the appointment ceremony was getting on the new director's nerves, particularly since Hoover's panties were crawling up his crack. Hoover ...
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How Joe Biden was picked to be Vice President
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 9, 1913: The 13th Amendment, allowing for the popular election of senators, is ratified. Before, senators were chosen through a combination of monkey paws, magic potatoes and goat entrails. Today, only vice presidents are chosen this way. Want to ...
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American slang: Where did the term "baby daddy" come from?
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 8, 1822: After downing a jug of shroom hooch, Daniel Boone terrifies nearby townspeople. Dragging a humiliated but still angry bear in a diaper, a bloodied Boone wanders the streets yelling, "Ah done had me a baby in the ...
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If you look up the word "wasted" in the dictionary...
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 7, 1965: Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones wakes up in the middle of the night in a Florida hotel room and records the opening riff to "Satisfaction." In a later interview, Richards recounted the event: "Ah wad balsham ...
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John Deere Invents the Gimmee Hat
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
April 6, 1833: The first steel plow is created by John Deere. With every plow purchased, Deere also gives away a free green top hat. CLICK HERE To see more Uncle History,
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NASA's Involuntary Astronaut Program
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 5, 1961: After a night of heavy drinking and debauchery, Amway rep Alan Shepard comes to in an exceptionally small room, studded with blinking lights. He also notices that he's wearing a puffy, silver suit and strapped to a ...
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Jack and Dick, gettin' hot in Camelot
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
April 4, 1977: David Frost interviews former President Richard M. Nixon. Some of Nixon's more memorable lines from the interview were: "So I started poking it with a stick. It was kinda spongy and gooey. When I heard the cops, ...
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By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 3, 1944: Meat rationing in the U.S. ends, leading to a suspicious spike in the numbers of cats and monkeys.
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Always the low prices, comrade
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 2, 1833: Walmart takes a financial hit when Russian Czar Nicholas I bans the public sale of serfs. To see more Uncle History, CLICK HERE
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Emily Dickinson vs. Andrew Jackson pt. 1
By unclehistory in UNCLE HISTORY
May 1, 1850: Emily Dickinson spots Andrew Jackson deep in the Virginia woods. Jackson, who was scurrying through the trees while dragging an unidentifiable skeleton, immediately attacks Dickinson. The fight was brutal: The poet lops off two of Jackson's fingers ...