Blogs » Violet's Dreaming » Growing Outrage at Proposed Religious "Community Center"

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A journey to an alternate universe yields interesting and highly tongue-in-cheek results:

ECNARONGI, TX. (PP) It allegedly started with a vile and vicious verbal outburst – they called it a prayer.

Two weeks ago, representatives for the South by Southwest Baptizt Convention were successful in applying for a building permit to construct a new Christian "community center” in the middle of peace-loving and “unofficial home of patriotism” - downtown Ecnarongi, TX. Fanatical celebrations carried out by “peace-loving” supporters of the proposal instantly and explosively erupted outside the local town hall. Police were rapidly dispatched to the scene in order to visually associate the group with terrorism. One local resident suffered a minor cut to his big toe and is currently being investigated by Homeland Security Officials.

According to the radical group’s press release, the “community center” will primarily be a place to foster integration of American Christians in the local area through educating townsfolk, encouraging people to adhere to the tenets of their faith and spread the peaceful message of their holy book.

However, polls suggest that the majority of people across the nation are in no mood to build bridges with a religious organization that, some say, has sponsored genocide, terrorist activities promoted an anti-homosexual and anti-female stance and whose “holy book” has been filled with abominations for centuries.

Already, national figures have been quick to voice their opposition to the project ranging from mild disapproval to, proudly, displaying utter contempt. Even former Alaska Governor, Nobel Prize winner and eminent Theoretical Physicist, Sarah Palin weighed in on the matter calling the proposal “a kick in pants for freedom of speech and religious tolerance”. President Limbaugh – himself a devout Hindu (For They Are The Peaceful Ones From That Country That Isn't Muslim), called upon Congress to pass an amendment to the US Constitution outlawing the construction of buildings that are deemed offensive. This immediately drew the ire of representatives for Wal-Mart and White Castle Restaurants who argued that any such move would likely damage their businesses irreparably.

Meanwhile, back in the peaceful town of Ecnarongi a majority of the townspeople seemed to echo the national message of “Christians go home”. A walk down the main drag brings a visual smorgasbord of placards and banners stating “Real men love non-deity based Co-Pilots”, “Charlie Crist – take your followers back to mumbo-jumbo land” and, most splendidly, “My Glock kills faster than crucifixion”. One resident called our reporter over to a teeming diner and loudly proclaimed that President Limbaugh was obviously a “secret Christian” and was planning to “turn America into a haven for this cult” and he’d be “damned” if he was going to "sit idly by" before returning to consume his quadruple bypass'o'burger and fries. According to some, Limbaugh’s refusal to produce a valid prescription for erectile dysfunction medication after his inauguration has led to serious claims that he is not actually an American citizen and is instead a native of somewhere called Viagra.

This story is likely to grow exponentially over the coming weeks and become a key message in the mid-term elections. A highly edumacated spokesman for Giddyuphorsey Polling told PP that he expects Synagogues to be high on the political hit list due to the highly ignorant nature of voters who are unable to differentiate Christians from Jews since "Mosslimbs, Hairdu's and Seek's are almost always brown".

Whatever happens over the coming months, one thing is abundantly clear – the American people intend to use their First Amendment rights to deny this religious group a foothold in this proud nation – a feat for which our Founding Fathers would shed genuine tears of paternal joy.