Dang, you guys are speedy! I'm going to be out for a bit, so I'll leave you with several republican jokes. I admit some may be kind of old, but they are certainly worth remembering.
Tom DeLay, Rod Blagojevich, Mark Foley, Ted Stevens, Jack Abramoff, Sarah Palin.
"Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know sh*t?""
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a republican."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
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**smacks forehead**
Cannot believe I forgot Rick Perry!
Thanks, Sugar!
October 7, 2010 at 7:23 p.m.EdithAnn - don't forget Rick Perry.
Now your week is complete. Glad to be of assistance. :)
October 7, 2010 at 5:10 p.m.Dang, you guys are speedy! I'm going to be out for a bit, so I'll leave you with several republican jokes. I admit some may be kind of old, but they are certainly worth remembering.
Tom DeLay, Rod Blagojevich, Mark Foley, Ted Stevens, Jack Abramoff, Sarah Palin.
I'm done.
October 7, 2010 at 4:51 p.m.A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
All the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked,
'Well, if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, then what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,
'That would make me an Obama fan.'
October 7, 2010 at 3:11 p.m."Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know sh*t?""
October 7, 2010 at 1:44 p.m.Ah, political jokes! You gotta love them!
Here's another funny one--
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a republican."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
October 7, 2010 at 1:25 p.m.somehow, now it's my fault."