A mother! of a movie

Have youever seen a movie you hated so much you wanted to punch the guy in the nose who sold youthe ticket? I had that feeling after sitting through American Beauty. I hated it so much I extendedmy disgust toward everyone in the movie – Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, evenThora Birch. The funny thing is I watched it at home, so instead of punchingthe ticket-seller, I punched the mailman instead. When I explained why I actedthe way I did, he punched ME in the nose and said, “I watched it too, and Inever got around to punching anybody. Thanks for reminding me.”

My wifealso has such a movie in mind – Night atthe Roxbury. Unfortunately, I was responsible for subjecting her to this.But her arms don’t have the reach of a professional boxer, someone who getspaid millions to punch people in the nose. I’ve been able to dodge her criticalopinion so far, but I think it best to let her pick the movie we’re going tosee ever since. No sense in tempting fate.

On theway home from work, I listened to Michael Medved deliver his opinion of a newmovie -mothers!(Lower-case, please. It’s on the movieposters.) He hated it. I mean, he really hated it. Interestingly, the same guywho made this movie also made Noah which Medved liked. I hated it.

I wasintrigued enough to look it up on the internet this evening.I found onedeliciously-written scathing review by Rex Reed. He has been reviewing moviesfor probably as long as I’ve been able to sit up and watch one.

Oh, buthe hated it. I thinkhatemay be too soft. He ripped it apart,and for good measure he ripped the producer a new one, and ripped thepretentious soi disant artistes and reviewers who approve of this kind of crap.Othersagreed with Reed. The word “vile” seemed to be a common denominator among them.“Torture porn” was also applied. My wife put it best: “So, basically, it was atwo-hour episode of Criminal Minds.” Perhaps, only not as charming.

I'mreminded of something George Orwell once said: "There are some ideas soabsurd that only an intellectual could believe them.” A movie that appeals tothe kind of people I already despise can only have one reaction. You’ve beenforewarned.

Patrick Hubbell/September16, 2017