Life happens: Spring cleaning for lazy dummies
By Aprill Brandon
April 25, 2013 at midnight
Updated April 24, 2013 at 11:25 p.m.
Spring has officially arrived. And not that manic-depressive spring we've been having that's been passive-aggressively toying with our emotions because it wasn't hugged enough as a child by Father Winter.
No, I'm talking about happily hopped up on pills and booze spring.
Or at least it has in my neck of the woods. Sunny, breezy, perfect spring. For the first time in six months, I was able to open the windows, letting out the stench of cooped up dog and overcooked Christmas ham.
The birds are chirping. The neighborhood kids are outside playing. The random dudes who are somehow related to either my landlord or his handyman and store their stuff in the garage are in my driveway working on their RV or possibly building a meth lab in their RV.
Yes, it's a beautiful time of year.
So beautiful, in fact, that now every time I get out of the shower, I half expect a bunch of birds to fly in, towel me off and throw a bright pink Disney princess dress over my head that floats down and fits me perfectly.
And then some happy squirrels would sing as they intricately lace a bunch of flowers in my hair. And then my dog would come running in and eat them.
In fact, this weather has put me in such a good mood I actually cleaned. Better yet, I even went to the store beforehand to buy actual cleaning products instead of wiping off the counter with leftover dog shampoo and my husband's Green Lantern T-shirt.
Like, I scrubbed the toilet. I mopped. I finally threw out the aforementioned Christmas ham that had been hanging out, possibly gaining consciousness, in the fridge.
I even made the bed (and by "made the bed" I mean picked the sheets up off the floor, since my husband and I are those kind of sleepers who thrash around violently in our REM cycles and then haphazardly laid them back on the bed).
Yes, I hate to be this person, considering I didn't get to where I am in my writing career (underpaid and underemployed) by being positive and nonsarcastic, but this weather has definitely brought back a spring in my step (pun completely intended, also - sorry). Which is a nice change considering the tragedies that have wreaked havoc across the nation lately.
And guys, this could just be the vitamin D talking here, but it's enough to make a girl think that everything is going to be OK.
Aprill Brandon is a columnist for the Advocate. Her column runs every two weeks in the Your Life section. Comment on this story at VictoriaAdvocate.com.